Show me how to breathe
or tell me you'll never leave
Just know that I'm here waiting

Waiting for you to tell me
that the love I gave to you
meant something
because the taste of your
breath still lingers and I
can still almost taste the
words coming out of your mouth

"...then take me."

I could stand in front of a pyramid
But I didn't carve the stones
Or die to live inside

I could ask the sun
To make my skin change
But does my mind remain white?

I could hold a book with strange pictures
Or just put it on my shelf
Would it make you think I’m smart?

I could write about things I know
And things I don’t
But I'm still a dilettante

I could stand in your shadow
You will never know who I am
Until I choose to walk away

I could fall for a pretty face
In fact I always do
Until my darkness reminds me of you

You guys are smiling and making jokes
You tell me I should really be working
I tell you I'm too tired to work right now
I'm not tired
Well, I am, but that's not why I'm not working
I just can't breathe
I know I'm not alone, but I feel completely alone and I don't know Why I'm feeling so hollow
Make it stop. Please.
You don't notice though.
Maybe it's better that you don't.
I'll keep listening to sad music and wonder why I'm feeling so empty when nothing is even wrong
And you keep not knowing how horrible I feel
Because you have problems a lot worse than mine, for sure
I don't want to tell you, because you don't deserve to have to listen to my sadness on top of your own
And I feel selfish if I tell you
I just don't know who to talk to
And even though I'm surrounded by people
I. Feel. So. Lonely. I. Feel. Like. I. Have. Died.

I almost threw up when I saw her
Holding lightly to your arm
I could feel my heart
Rise up in my throat

When I remembered
You aren't mine.

I have no claim over you
You are not mine to love
If you really loved me
You would be here
And if I really loved you
I would be with you

But here we are
Not loving each other

With other people
Living lives separate from our designs
Perhaps this is how it has always meant to be
Perfect predestined love can't be predesigned
By humans with so many fatal flaws

i want to see it all fall
i want to see it all come down
i want to watch it burn

i dont know how i feel when I'm around you

i have a problem that i can't explain
i dont know why you want me to be so plain
do you want me to give up everything
do you even know anything

i dont know how i feel when I'm around you

when i bring it down
will you wear that same old frown
will you break my walk stick
when i throw aside the sick

i dont know how i feel when I'm around you

i dont want you to find me
i dont want you to stop me
i want you to assist me
i want you to know i exist
i dont know how i feel
around you

Take a long look at the road
you walked past and wonder of
how many stops you made
and how many you had to take.

(Was the meter still running
when you had me waiting outside
your house waiting
for it to become a home you
would have never built with me?
But become a visitor in a gallery
of art I could never understand.)

Live each day like a sombre white
and watch over your thoughts
as if you had a limit to how much
you could hurt yourself
because there is only so long
the Father could hear and only so many hail Marys that can keep you

sinless as the day you were born.

Plant a tree for every heart you broke
and watch someone else carve their stories
in you.

"Princess, why are you so sad?"

"I don't know."

"Princess, are you mad?"

"I suppose."

"But hate - that doesn't hurt you?"

"I cannot tune into hate."

"So princess, it is only love that you can see, then?"

"Yes."

"And this love, through karmic law, damages you?"

"Indeed."

"So princess, what will you do?"

"I don't know. I don't know..."

Who said I'm fine?
Well who said I'm not?
I've said neither.
Not in plain words.
I said I'm okay,
That there's nothing to say.
I simply said that one word.

What would you say?
What would you do?
Oh, if only you knew.
You don't know.
You still won't.
It's not my choice to keep it from you.

There's nothing I can say.
Not today,
Not tomorrow.
Maybe if there were some other way.
But there's not.
There isn't and there won't be.
I'm sorry.
Or maybe I'm not.

You asked how I was.
I did reply.
I had to be kind,
Anyway why wouldn't i?
I told you one word.
"Okay."
I'm always okay.
You asked and I said.
Okay doesn't always mean the same.

I said okay.
You might've thought it meant fine.
But maybe I am far from it.
Too bad I'm not then.
Maybe I had you worried then.
All it is that I can't explain.
Keep asking.
Go on,
I'll keep answering.
Be aware you might only get one word.
One word,
That's that word.
How else could I put it,
When there is no other way?

I'd love to tell you.
That's the fact,
I really would.
Believe me I don't like keeping from you.
I would tell you simply.
Right now,
Maybe today.
But actually I don't think I would.
I like to wait.
Figure stuff out.
Often stop you worrying as long as I can.
I don't know why.
You shouldn't ask why.
They are all very trivial.
Being all very small.
None of them problems at all.

It's all rather too bad.
Too bad I don't know.
Just a tad.
If I don't know then I can't tell you.
As much as I think.
No matter how much,
I still do not know.
So there's no way that I could explain.
I guess you'll have to wait.
For someone else I guess.
Someone to tell you what's wrong with them.
Right now I can't tell a soul.
Before I tell you.
I need to tell myself.
Which I can't,
because I don't know.

I don't really know
if I did I wouldn't write it down
if I knew I would... I would
know
What's the back of this mind doing?
Throwing up spaces of random places
and memories from crusty corners
crumbling as they move into sight.

eh, ferk it... I'm going to bed.