they loaded their nerf guns with those gaudy orange foam bullets that almost hurt my eyes
as i stood there waiting with a shield made of a cardboard box to protect myself from those small pieces of foam.
everyone was excited, so i tried to be excited
but what they didn’t know is how painful those supposed “toy bullets” felt.

then they started shooting at me— every single bullet.
i dodged and shielded everything they gave me with the little energy i had.
i tried to fake enjoying it, i really did,
but deep down inside, all i felt was fear, afraid of getting hit.

as i was protecting myself from those foam bullets
one hit me— hard.
even worse, it came from one of those big, powerful ones.
i told everyone that one hit me, that i was in pain, that it hurt so bad
but all they said was “it’s just nerf bullets, they can’t hurt that much”.

i fell so void
like there is no soul inside me
once where there was joy
now there's only emptiness

i fell numb to the world around me
there is no hope for me
no one can help me
i am beyond redemption

the monster is strong
it does as it pleases
i have no choice
but to obey its voice

oh when will death set me free
from this miserable life
i am too much of a coward to end it
so i will keep hurting them

Writing my life away-
Like a play-
That won't stay-
Although it may-
Feel like that for now
I know deep down,
I'll be okay

I am the words they carved
Into my skin,
The amalgamate
Of everything I’ve sinned.

My hands light fire to all that
I can touch,
Burning for a day
Before it turns to dust,

It turns to dust.

“Fight fire with fire,” they spit,
Doesn’t make it not
Burn like acid.

Rain pours down
Onto my skin,
And sure enough, it
Hurts like acid,

Like
Acid.

Didn’t mean a single word that they said,
Doesn’t mean
You didn’t mean
For it to happen

My arms are made of wood,
And yours are steel.
Just because you’re in pain
Doesn’t mean others can’t
Feel,

Everyone still feels.

Everything still
Feels.

“Fight fire with fire,” they spit,
Doesn’t make it not
Burn like acid.

Rain pours down
Onto my skin,
But it doesn’t make it not
Burn

Like

Acid.