i hate myself
for becoming the person
who cries over nothing.
except it’s never nothing —
it’s the bruise
still sore
from loving him.

i’m not myself anymore,
just a sour taste
that won’t leave
my own mouth.

i skipped therapy this week,
ashamed to arrive
empty-handed,
with nothing worth
laying down.

i slipped
back into the rabbit hole,
where the air is thin
and every echo is mine.

i wish i could say
i’ll work this out.
i just need to heal —
a bit longer.
then maybe
i’ll fly.

i cried last night
because you weren’t mine.
i cried because you hurt me.
i cried because i wanted you
to do it all over again.

i thought you said
that you would listen
to anything
i would have to say.
that you --
were my safe space.

maybe not anymore.

Hurts to see you well
Hurts to know on us I cast a spell
Hurts to sleep without you by my side
Hurts to know I did you right

While I did myself wrong
Gotta play it strong
Ego at play, our ships at bay
Our love in decay.

Don't let me play
I'm not here to slay
Demons, I am here for thy prison
But you'll have to beg for a new season
My love didn't need a reason
But my hate longs for treason.

its not my fault.
i didnt do anything wrong,
it was all
you.

it feels like you've
carefully planned this.
every millisecond,
making me
feel like the guilty one.

im not.
its not my fault.

your intention was to hurt me.
and you succeeded,
with a bonus of
making me feel
guilty.

we hated each other
until we didn’t.
our mutual spite
drifted into respect,
two stubborn selves
forced to intersect.

we took solace
in drinking,
our souls poured
with the wine.
your promise
was irresistible —
so were the signs.

i was nothing
but a mixtape
you played on repeat,
and named me —
claimed me —
as your greatest mistake.

once you stopped the tape,
stripped it to its core,
spilled the ribbon of me
right outside your door.
you forgot my name
quick enough to hurt,
but i still remember
the flames —

and how ferociously
they burned.

asking myself to stop
loving him
is like asking someone
to stop breathing.

love shouldn’t land
like a ton of bricks.

no matter how hard
i try to focus
on someone else –
anyone –
i keep reaching
back for him.

my walls
aren’t strong enough
to withhold the blow
and defend me
against this.