Why tonight?
Of all nights, knitted carefully by the slenderest of hands,
To form into a year, that springs into decades and centuries
And into a future with both of us gone –
Of all nights, that I have lain awake, asleep, disturbed, in love –
Why tonight?
Of all nights, why this night – when the moon shows nothing but its fullness
And bareness and disguise?
Why tonight?
Of all people, completing the billionth count, filling the shards of this planet we pity to call continents –
Why you?

I wonder if I tilt my head a bit on the side,
so my jaw would be angled just right,
so my nose would be touched nicely by shadows,
so my eyes would spark to lure the light-
I wonder if I walk a few steps towards, perhaps a few steps back-
I wonder if some type of arm stretch, or head rest-
will make you ask for my number.
And you- a fine sculpt of a man
do not need to do any but breathe then,
to have it.

.................................................................­..........sa-..................................
                 ­                                                           ve
                                                                ­              m-
                                                ­                               e I
                                                               ­               am
                                                                ­            dro
                                                 ­                         wni
                                    ­       ng in                    my
                                       own emot              ions
                                          ­please          save me
                                 from myself I am drown
                               ing in   my own thought
                             and  I     keep sinking
                             deep       er into thou
                             ghts         I need you
                               to           pull me up
                                to           safety befo
                                              re I disapp
                                              ear into the
                                                 darkest
                                                  depths
­                                                     bel
                                                      ow
    ­                                                    p
           ­                                                 l
                                                         e
                                                           a
                                                        s
   ­                                                   e
            ­                                            h
                   ­                                        e
                                                        l­
                                                      p
        ­                                             m
                                                        e
     ­                                                   b
            ­                                             e
                                                       f
                                                     o
                                                       r
                                                      e
       ­                                          **i
                                                t
           ­                                  's      
                                            t
                                            o
                                        o
                     ­                 l
                                    a
        ­                               t
                                         e
                                            .
                 ­                              .
                                            .

In the deepest cave
a monster waits.
Crouched alone I wait to be rescued
but help cannot save the blackest of souls.
As I sit and wonder,
Without a drop of hope,
The monster devours me.
Nothing ever seems to help,
Not the kiss of true love or a safe place to hide.
Nothing will help...
Nothing but you.

everything looked and felt so hopeless
never would have thought 4 years a go
that my life would be so full

grateful i wake up most days grateful to be alive,
where as before i woke everyday praying for
God to **** me

i just needed a spiritual awakening to tweak my perspective
from hopelessness to hope
constant criticism to gratitude

There's lightning outside, while on the inside I dream of the ways you can light me up.
My thoughts keep drifting to your silent smirk, the sure sign of a winner.
I seem to have stumbled my way into your headlights.
I had no intention of losing until you came into focus, until you owned the game.
My ego keeps slipping through my fingers, an indication of lost time.
My bare feet long to dance on cold ceramic tiles, to breathe in endless plastic roses.
You see my luck seems to always slip away from me.
One was the father of a child, forever bound to his little girl.
The second was bound to another, as if they were only meant for each other.
The third was my pitfal, he was all is fair in love and war until someone's heart was ripped apart.
Now I have nothing to lose, because he is a lone howler and his heart only loves the open road.
I realize that eventually none of it really matters as long as I can feel the pressure from your fingers.
All I need is to admit defeat, God had dealt me a losing hand.
Now I stay up late chain-smoking, and hoping for some solution.
My heart beats on a path my mind can't control and my feet have become tangled in these threads

Body broken from military service
Comrades gone or dead
Cast adrift in civvy street
I believed their lies. They said
They would take care of me
If service took its toll
They said there would be help for me
If nightmares sacked my soul
Instead I'm turned from door to door
My country has betrayed me
Now I'm used up, no longer fit
Youth gone to keep you free
You treat me like a burden
An encumbrance you don't need
Helpless anger bubbles
As I cut until I bleed
Anger turning inwards
As there's nothing I can do
Dulce et Decorum Est?
Is that really true?
Or is it simply if you live
A veteran you'll be
Outlived your use
A shattered wreck
Is all that they will see
The great and good
Who never served
Not even for one day
Huge great poppies they will wear
And stand and seem to pray
Yet turn their face away from you
A figure of disdain
Would be much more convenient
If you had been slain
Your country doesn't want you
Now you've served your use
They told such lies and you bought in
And now they cut you lose
So don't expect their help
And don't believe the lie
Your country only wanted you to
Do and then to die

Every morning I wake up,
Am reminded of so much I need to be ashamed of
Immediately, all the little strenght I'd gathered while asleep,
Vanishes, leaving me with a vacuum so deep.
I take up a feeble stand,
So as not to waste the day I have in hand.
With little make- up and simple lace
I pretend that everything is in place
Yet I'm merely a living dead
Yearning that someday this torment would come to an end.

At nights, the feeling increases with much fierceness
In its' silence and darkness
Am left alone with my regrets and rage
Entangled with my past, enfettered in it's cage
Is it the regret of giving my everything,
While loosing the confidence to be me?
Or the rage from repeatedly falling for hidden lies
Enshrouded in deceitful smiles?
With my strength fully abated,
I lie in the pool of my own tears, still; without the vacuum satiated.