Bird beneath the midnight sky
As on my lonely couch I lie,
I hear thee singing in the dark,
Why sing not I?

No star-gleams meet thy wakeful eye;
No fond mate answers to thy cry;
No other voice, through all the dark,
Makes sweet reply.

Yet never sky-lark soaring high
Where sun-lit clouds rejoicing lie,
Sang as thou singest in the dark,
Not mute as I!

O lone, sweet spirit! tell me why
So far thy ringing love-notes fly,
While other birds, hushed by the dark,
Are mute as I?

No prophecy of morn is nigh;
Yet as the somber hours glide by,
Bravely thou singest in the dark
Why sing not I?





በምሽት



እንዳንድ ወፍ እንዳለች ታች ከለሊቱ ሰማይ፣

ጋደም እንዳለኩ ለብቻዬ አልጋ ዬ ላይ

ጥኡመ ዜማ ስታወርጂ አሰማልሁ

‹‹ እኔስ ለምን አልዘምርም ?” እላለሁ፡፡



የትኛውም ኮከብ በነፀብራቁ ቢልቅ፣

ያንቸን ንቁ ዓይን አያስንቅ!

ግና ለጥሪሽ ምነው ቅርብ ጓደኛ

ምላሸ አይሰጥሽ ?

ሌላም ድምፅ፣ በዚ የለሊቱ ግርማ፣

የሚጥም ምላሻዊ ዜማ አያሰማ!



ድርጭት እንኳ እስከላይ በእጅጉ መጥቃ

ተጋድምው፣ ፀሐይ በፍንደቃ የሚሞቁ ደመናዎች

እስተሚስተዋሉብት ድረስ ዘልቃ፣ ስታበቃ፣

እንደዚያ እስከላይ ሄዳ፣

እንደኔ ሳትሆን ለመዝሙር ዲዳ፣

አንቺ በድቅድቅ እንደምታወርጂው ዜማ

ከቶ አታሰማ!



ብቸኛዋ ነፍስ ንገሪኝ

ያንቺ ፍቅር የተጫነበት ዜማ፣

እስከአሁን በመቀጠል የሚሰማ!

ደሞም ምነው ሌሌች ወፎች

በጨለማው ዝማም ተሸብበው

የሆኑት ዲዳ፣ በመደዳ!



የማለዳ ብስራተ በሌለበት

ሠአቱ ለመሄድ ዳተኛ በሆነበት

ትዘምሪያለሸ በድፍረት!



በሞትኩት፣ ለምንድነው

እኔ እንዳንቺ ያልሆነኩት? //

(ጁሊያ ካሎሪን)

The sign of a drunken person is not through the sound of vibrant disillusion shouting obscenities through existential inebriation, but in the length of their face when they wake up one day to that stark realization that whatever once was can never be again.

The eyes become darker, mute and cold, the mind obscured by all the things they probably cared about when they had the opportunity but never merely took; and it is in their demeanor where life seethes nowhere in the voice except where it is merely enough to get them through just one more begrudging day of sinister regret gnawing at their heels every waking moment.

Hollow souls show us what we never want to be but somehow so many of us succumb to the same discrepancies and injustices of belittlement from the world around us: sober eyes and sharp tongues convincing us we are nothing more than what we think we are; and what we are to begin with is nothing, taking shape from the beginning of it all, ready to be molded into something grand and good – we must all start from somewhere, but most are subjugated before any of it can even begin; and ultimately, many of us never truly live at all.

Drunken, with the desire to simply live.

Regrets bounce around back and forth inside my mind
like a game of pong
a purgatory
making me cockeyed
I try to explain that I have nowhere left to hide
Every emotion
sensation
obsession
amplified
Maybe when I was young I needed something you couldn't provide
Maybe my little apple slices were covered in pesticide
Speculation of course
it can't be simplified
A combination of factors that together fortified
An illness
A flaw inside of me
so vicious
My intentions in the right place but my actions turned malicious
We tried to fight back with multiple prescriptions
I popped 6 or 7 without reading the description
You'll have to excuse me and my self fulfilling prophecy
I catch myself getting bad again constantly
It's not done consciously
And then yall get gossipy
about my lack of modesty
All that **** you're spewing you should invest in a colostomy
I don't know who I am without the drama
Without the trauma
Without the late night calls crying for my mama
I try to listen but its like I'm rotten to the core
I tried to stop it all that day but they broke down the bathroom door
Asphyxiation
And another state petition
Humiliation
At my failed suicide mission
I figured I'd grin and bear it
Act recovery driven
My insurance will boot me either way in 5-7
Why are you so angry?
What is at the source?
Can you pinpoint it?
Do you think it's run its course?
Don't you ever get tired?
Of being so dramatic
Everyone has problems
Some cobwebs in their attic
Yeah I do get tired
I'm exhausted actually
Of constantly being at different extremes mentally
Polar opposites
I wish I could be competent
I would trade my mania to truly be self confident
Nature versus nurture
A classic debate
Which one is more at fault for causing those to deviate?
A long line of addiction
Or abusive tendencies
Is it genetics?
Or painful first memories?
You wonder why I go for guys that hurt me in the end
When I get down about myself it's your voice inside my head
I've done some things in my life that keep me up at night
I've been so afraid of failing that for years I never tried
From an early age I just wanted to be loved
To be held, to be kissed, to be cradled, to be hugged
Instead I got tossed around and used like a rag-doll
When someone treats me good
I'm at a loss of how to handle
Sweeter than honey and it keeps my ego fed
But I repeat bad habits and cycles instead
I've been here before and man isn't it funny
How desperate I am for you to ******* love me
It serves to ask questions and poke at insecurities
I put my all into serving others and its so ******* embarrassing
I'd do anything and perhaps it is my downfall
But I didn't anticipate such a quick and subtle curveball
It's pathetic call the medic
Sedate me
anesthetic
Put the drugs on credit
I just want to forget it
All the way
but I guess I'm here to stay
Cant even **** myself right
Jesus christ, what a cliche
It's a new day
gotta fight through the pain
It's okay
its okay
it's okay
it's okay
I got these regrets
like I said
and I'm sailing off course
I'm nothing but the walking dead
but I try to consider the source
I repeat things and stumble
all on autopilot
I'm hardwired to **** up
and I'm done trying to hide it
a moment of silence
for all that couldn't have been
a lust for violence
and an appetite for bloodshed
beg for an abrasion
and physical injury
contusions
gashes
lacerations
dulls what's happening in me
all these different methods
to avoid my introspection
******* myself up
relieves the constant tension
acting up and acting out
gets me the attention
and impulsive actions keep all around me guessin'
Now, tell me, is that what you expected?

Silent and cold
A story that once told
Paper that have been fold
But is never too old.

There is nothing I can feel
No pain, no sadness, even fear,
Happiness can't even come near,
To my heart that is imprissoned within.

I used to care
I once tried to dare
There my emotions burst like flare
Now I don't even care.

I closed my eyes
the fire turned to ice
There I no longer tried
And just swallowed my pride.

What's the point of trying,
And will only hurt every fiber of your being,
If people are not capable of changing?
Why not just stop caring...

I looked up to the sky,
Whispered to myself "when was the last time?"
As I let the winds pass by,
I closed my eyes then smiled.

Dark and shallow
Empty and cold
Now she's always alone
Because sorrow is all she knows.

Her spirit was broken
And her heart was stolen
The love she asks was never given
All because of a promise that was forgotten.

Her heart was shouting
Her soul is crying
Her lips are lying
But her tears are indicating.

But she finally gave up
She have nothing to look up
Like being stuck in the mud
The only choice is to stop.

Her chest is heavy
She wants to escape reality
For she is no longer happy
Pain she don't want to further carry.

Death is the only escape
From the mistake she create
She chose her own fate
Jump away from hate.

Silent and calm
Chills in her palm
She hears a sweat hum
Her path in after life began.

Hey, would you like to know a secret?

It slits and stings and scorches the tip of my tongue
A scalpel painted with a sickening slice of hope
Of I know you used to
And I said I used to
But I meant I still do

My heart— no head still throbs
Thuds like the tapping of your fingers against the table

Your fingers
Light and floating and still too far
Flying too fast

My head
Heavy and sinking and still too close, to me
Still too close, to you
Still too close, to every synonym of unecessary
Still, too close, to my heart

Do you want to hear my secret?

My head throbs because of you,
No, not because of you, because of me
Because of confusion as to why
My mind is able to solve math equations that I hate
If I try hard enough

But for some reason my mind can't solve the question
Of why it keeps flitting back to you
Even if I try to will it away
And always to you
I have a million other things to do
And somehow you're always still the first priority

My head throbs because it doesn't understand
Because I don't understand
How is it then when you're vulnerable
And ask an "are you free to talk?"
The truth is no
I'm really not
Yet yes is the only word running through my head

Somehow
You always come first
I find that strange considering how the most you've ever thought about me is probably the second best thing

Here is my secret

I am sick of this
I am sick of you
But somehow your laughter is the antidote
It is the vaccine
The dosage I get daily

But eventually
It starts being less effective
Because I hear
Her laughter
In yours

And the more I get to know you
I feel like I'm just getting to know her
You say the same phrases
And so many things that you do
Are just so her
She's so thoroughly embedded into everything you do
It's almost impossible to separate the two of you

And I am sick
Of this
And I am sick
Of you

And how you say you used to
And how I say I used to
And how I still mean
I still do