Why is it that you sleep so soundly beside me while I lie awake feeling alone~

to live day by day
watching the clock tick away,

what is it all for?
yet, here i am.

Frightful and paranoid
The fear begins to set in
But then I remember
There is no one outside
There is nothing within.

Being mentally ill is draining,
so is breathing,
so is staying alive,
so is being hopelessly hopeful

But I will decay gracefully
for this pain is more than I can bear

The rain drains down the pane,
Falling faster,
Let the chaos reign.
The tired town strains but holds,
As a view of madness unfolds.

Staring outwards now enticed,
Restless hounds uneasy,
Clouds awake,
The downfall pours,
Streets empty as perceived,
A chance for solitary,
Your pain relieved.

Now hurry,
Run,
Be quick,
If you want this trance to stick.
Nothing hurts,
Nothing matters,
Even with your dreams in tatters.

Venturing out beyond all reason,
Embracing the lonely season.
Content with misery,
Legs beating down harder than the fall,
An incline slippery and steep,
As the world vanishes beneath your feet,
Consumed by clouds that weep.

Reaching the top wasn't worth the view,
A bleak outlook faces you.
Even though it hurts still smile,
As storms like these only last a while.
Make your way down,
Rejoin the town,
As if it never happened.
The rain will wash away your trace,
Leaving something new in its place.

A moment shared alone with the world,
In hope for a better tomorrow,
The clouds draw in,
Yet the rain still tumbles.

My eyes ache

they weep

a shedding of a tear

like a silent wailing sirens

Tonight,
I can’t hope

Like Sisyphus,
I am condemned to endure
all this heavy weight of existence

A tragic fate
with nothing,
but a never-ending struggle

I’ve abandoned hope,
and erased my dreams

“Happiness”
is only but a mere escape
from the absurdity of life

It is a false hope,
and I’ve practiced
the art of giving up

I never knew the pretty sky was so indifferent
So blue and so blank
Standing there without a response.
Surrounding me as it just watches on
As my head is weighed down
As my shoulders become heavy
As my knees want to hit the ground

Nothing is working.
The problems just stack on
Its books are piling on
Insistently,
Showing me that it can.
The distribution isn’t even
Doesn’t matter.
My back not sure if it will give out
Perhaps, just waiting for the right time
To truly become another future
With a wishful past.

A hand to alleviate it wouldn’t come
A wishful thinking of a story
A movie that would get blistered by real life
I’m already getting burned under its sun
Beating on without a care
Quickly chafing off the careful wrapping
Around how it was supposed to go
Preserving the candy that shouldn’t get *****

On this day, it got exposed to the true air
It cracked under the pressure
The lines show the map of the world
In your mouth,
It’s ready to break a tooth

A lean against the wall
Trying to hold my body up
Against the weight of my thoughts
As they swirl becoming poison
Sticking to the sides of my mind
Within this tornado
The sun shines on.

The breeze flutters the leaves beautifully
Showing all the sides of its colors
It reaches my face coolly
Washing over my thoughts
Increasing the turbulence
The starker the contrasts of green and blue
The blunter the world reveals itself to be.

Not a single cloud passing by up above
Empty eyed as it looks on
Keeping cool as everything collapses
Hands restless trying to catch all falling
It’s slipping through my fingers
Too quick to grasp and hold.

To give up is an option that comes up.
A whisper infiltrating with the sweet air.
To shut my eyes
And un-focus my gaze
But I’m surrounded by multiple paths
All escapes paved with yellow flowers
Each and every pretty without promises
Petals covering every space
Not showing any holes in the ground
Until I’ve already fallen in
Wanting to turn back.

From inside the well
Or from the sidewalk
The sky looks the same
Coded with a thousand cliffs
Unable to decipher their meaning
Constantly shifting as the time comes
What seemed so stable
Becomes all blurry in a glance.

To exert a force in my arms
And hold my body up
Against this pressing weight.
I let out a breath that traveled miles
Pushing away my thoughts for now
I stand up off the rail
And try another time.

Not a single cloud passing by up above
The world remains colorfully calm
And the sun makes the leaves greener
A few seagulls fly by overhead
The challenges weigh down on my back
While the pretty sky seems bluer

Just as there's light, there's darkness in everyone's life.
It's stark, shadowing sunlight, and doesn't yield.
Just how is anyone meant to jauntily thrive
in an ostentatious world meant to shield
Beading, beating eyes from those that suffer
from vicious, bleeding lies?

A pawn cannot decide where it lies
in the everchanging game of fate that is its life
being puppeteered by monsters who make their pieces suffer
from their callous thrones that do not yield.
For they always use an invisible shield
to ensure that they always thrive.

In such a world, how is it we are meant to thrive?
Sinking deeper and deeper in blatant lies
of the quixotic dreams of old to shield
the simple fact that we are taught to live a life
where we stand subservient and yield
the abuses of those in power who make us suffer.

For such a long time we were taught to suffer
through storming skies. Beaten, impossible to thrive.
Time can wither our ability to yield
the pain inflicted by those who tell noxious lies.
A sunken arrow into our psyche to devastate life
worth living and love that cannot hide though any shield.

What else other than our love do they want to shield?
Without, there is no cure for those who suffer
and carry on with the hardships of life.
We live in those pockets of light and thrive
in a different world where we banish the lies
that our worth is measured in what we yield.

Despite my pride, there are the times where I yield
to those shadows in the sky. Yet you shield
the rain and I can see where that crescent lies
above our heads. Cease what we suffer,
the moonlight sonata within tries to reach out and I thrive
from your touch of endless life.

I know it seems we're predetermined to suffer
But take my hand and we'll thrive
as I try to hold onto the fragments of this life.