Im clinging on
I have been
for God knows how long
And i dont know why
I just am
Hopeful
Tired maybe
But still trying
Im clinging on
My hands are shaking
My soul is weary
But i won't let go
Im holding on
And i wont let go
Im clinging on

like thick rain pouring down
streams pooling into rivers as they flow down the mountain
being in love is like drinking the poison
letting the sickness seep into your veins
feelings your organs change
as your heart starts beating for more than one body
as your soul starts sharing itself with another

falling out of love is different
maybe that's because i was pushed

leaving you behind is like closing your eyes
try not to peek but the sense of urgency is creeping
i cover them but everytime i blink
i see you standing there
i see us dancing through this pain

i see your face start to strain
as you realize im never going to change
as you realize you can't stay

i see your name
in street signs
hear your voice as im switching trains
i feel your breath on my neck
as i board the subway
smell your skin on my sheets right before doing my laundry

i sense your need for change
endless chasing of timelines

i wish i could see how it'd end
if things had gone different
i wish i could see how i'd begin
to be what i've been missing

i remember the good times
the laughs and the kisses
surprise trips to the beach
locked hands and biting teeth

i remember the passion
insane
red hot like a furnace
i should have learned to stay away from the flames

oh but how i loved that slow burn

but your path had to turn

and now i feel traces of you
endless skies dotted red across blue

i want to forget your face
every inch of my body you traced

i need to lose track of the memories
i need to remember the bad

all the tears and the fights
all the goodbyes and let goes
those times i felt us die
even before you told me to go

i guess its easier to think of all the things that went right
because letting go of the past is like saying goodnight
without knowing if there will ever be the morning light

i guess this is me admitting
that i didn't get over you

i just kept moving through
the endless highways of you

to reach the final destination
of me being whole
without you

Hang a star on the ceiling, my love
To protect you during the daylight
Whenever the sky closes its eyes
It’s not perfect, I understand
But darling, nothing ever is
Hold onto what you can

i feel inexplicable happiness when i am with you
once it is over, though, i feel utterly blue
i know, i know, it is very much true
'she feels nothing more than good friends with you'

but my foolish heart remains so
it keeps thinking that she is giving me hope,

what kind of hope shreds the man to his last piece?
what hope?

Walking around… in this big; big; world

Facing challenges… in this big; big; world

Meeting faces… in this big; big; world

Climbing steps… in this big; big; world



Writing words…

on this small; small; note

Pouring the letters out…
with this big; big; hopes



Kneeling, praying, gave in… to the big; big; God

Wishing you and me will end up together…



until they dig; dig; graves.



amen.

so i'm patiently waiting
for a single notification
a sign of a chance
that it's not over yet
i can't divert my glance
i'm afraid that i'll lose this bet
it's getting to my head
and i know i might be wrong
but one misstep and then i'm gone
maybe my mistake was at the start
all the million other parts
of the puzzle i need to solve
god i feel like i'll dissolve
it's confusing and exciting
finally i'm struck by lightning