Rotting in bed for three days now.
I was thinking about all the whys and hows,
trying to find an answer.
Maybe if I get up and complete a couple of tasks,
I can beat my temper,
which I always had at the end of the day,
when I realized I missed out on this day too, when I pray.

But today,
I looked deep into my iris in the mirror,
and told myself
today is the day that will differ.
only if I start and be consistent,
everything would be clearer.

Perhaps even by the end of the year,
I can make her proud, my mother.
This time I'll try to stay stuck,
hoping that eventually I'll get my luck.

God will hear the sound of my heart
and provide a bit more strength for my worn out arms.
Over time,
I will reassume to pray at night
from deep inside my lungs,
an opportunity for me to regain the control of my years which was anything but young,

And in the future I know I'll be glad i tried that day when the alarm has rung.
I'll throw every piece of darkness holding me back to the bin.
And as Liza Minnelli has sung,
Maybe this time
Maybe this time I'll win.

It's three A.M. again...
The night's silence feels like a scream.
I found myself analyzing, once again.
Stress makes my skin itching
Till I let it bleed, bursting.

Disappointments from unsuccessful attempts calling,
Waking my buried feelings, making them digging
My wall that i long tried to built strong

I can feel the sun's plans to rise along
After that, perhaps i'll hear some chirping from birds' songs
And maybe then, these feelings will be gone.

I'll let myself fall into dreams-
A chance to run away from real things-
Until I find myself thinking:
It’s three A.M. again...

Every mistake I’ve made feels as heavy as they made by one hundred men
And maybe when the clock hits six,
I can finally sleep by then.

Today was a sad song day
And I am alive.

I read a poem about love and tomatoes
that moved me to tears

And it’s raining now,
storming.

And I am alive.

Were I a different kind of mother,
the kind from movies,
I would wake you up so we could run outside and dance flailingly in the front yard as the neighbors peer through their slatted blinds, shaking their heads.

The storm has already slowed, though.
It always ends eventually.

The rain will bring tomatoes
and soften the grass between your tiny toes.

And I am alive.

How perfectly my aliveness fits my every me,
how much room there is in here.
If fill my aliveness to the very top, somehow it is never full,
there is always space for another swirling galaxy,
another thunderstorm
another sad song.

Tomorrow there will be tomatoes
and soft grass and tiny toes.

Today was a sad song day.
And I am alive.

One day I will be gone,
and you will grit your teeth,
but that will be okay.
I know you will hurt,
your chest will be in pain.
Your little hands,
that I once held,
will ball up into fists,
and your eyes,
will well up with tears.
But that will be okay,
because I’m not truly gone,
I’m right here,
I will wipe those tears,
right off your cheeks.
Think of me,
when a butterfly passes by,
or a sunset is so beautiful,
you can’t help,
but catch your breath,
I’m right here.
I will always be,
just right here.