prickles and thorns,
sticks and stones,
brains and maggots,
all limp and cold,
a little darkness here and there,
a little pain will do it right.

bowl cracked and torn,
cursed and wrong,
only beautiful with intricate patterns and bright colors and filters but with musical scores gone wrong.  

click click liked,
swipe swipe left or right,
drinking nights,
they've seen them all.

is it fun to feed the darkness?
is it fun to feed the pain?
or the anger or the malice or the judgment or the cane?
maybe, the flesh seeks for the pleasure of the wrong kind,
the wrong sign, the evil one loves his daily dose of darkness.
he doesn't want you to draw the line for the things that are wrong.
he wants you to sing his wicked songs.

when you surround yourself with darkness how "sweet" the sound of his teeth crunching, munching on the juicy contents of your choice.
"great choice of food"
here's is his preferences,
instead of light and life,
put darkness and death,
instead of joy, maybe a bit of despair,
instead of full dependence on God, maybe just an "eh I am near there"
instead of choosing to choose Him instead of them, just choose them,
those who love evil and eats its fruit, those who love to dwell in darkness, in the woods, those who feed their darkness....in vain.....

the darkness you surround yourself with will mold you,
the pain you keep feeding will just grow within you,
if you keep feeding yourself with darkness you won't feel very good, won't you?
Jesus is the light, Jesus is life, His Word is light, His Word is life, and it is my guide, i choose Him.
i know it is sometimes easier to choose the dark but it will never be worth it, never worth the wait, never worth the suffering.
in Jesus, the suffering, the pain is worth it, in Him i have life!
life like none other, filled with purpose and light!
i feel so free! feel like i could take flight!
i am truly free in Christ Jesus!
i am truly in peace in Christ Jesus!
i am joyful in Him!

Jesus i love you,
i want to love you, more than the heavens or the stars,
more than anything or anyone in the world,
i want to love you with all of my heart, all of my soul, and with all of my might.
on your wings, i will take flight.
i have fed that evil before, but i have learned not to now :)

Living life but is hiding,

Waking up but you feel like dying,

Wishing you could fly but falling.

Feeling like the world is crashing down,

You take one breath in and breathe out slowly.

Stepping in the light you go,

Facing reality very slow.

Watching time flash before your eyes,

You see the truth deep inside.

Your world turns out to be the game of life,

Facing it makes you wanna die.

Feeling reality's pain and pleasure,

Yet so strong but very clever.

Embracing it with all your might,

Trying not to give up the fight.

Taking responsibility for your lies and actions,

Seeing the mistakes you made in fractions.

You take one breath in and breathe out slowly,

You step back out of the light that's holy.

Facing reality is what you struggle to do,

But somehow you made halfway through.

Paleness on ex-lover’s face,
Our impassable fate brought.
In madness,
He’s missing from his holy palace.

“For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
Have mercy on us and on the whole world”

Momma! Can you hear me? I can hear you singing through tears momma. Please don’t cry. It’s going to be ok momma. I’m not in the dark anymore. Here there’s only light, and plenty of room to run. Momma it’s amazing here!Everything is going to be ok. So please, please, please, momma, don’t cry, rest your head, let me sing to you.

“For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
Have mercy on us and on the whole world”

No one knows. No one knows the loss of my own body, the ripping and savagery that took my own flesh. The pain that blooded and caressed my thighs.

They did no wrong, they hadn’t even breathed never the less committed a single sin. My beautiful, beautiful baby. did I do you wrong? Did your creation create a target on your head. A punishment for my sin.

You didn’t deserve to be stripped of the earth, before you could even experience it. To be failed by the body that was supposed to love you the most.

“For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
Have mercy on us and on the whole world”

And I hold these red beads in my hands, thinking of that day when red was all I could see. Grasping this shield singing and praying for healing. Wondering who you could have been. Creating these ideas of who you would of looked like.

If you would of had my brown curly hair and his silly smile. If you would have his musical genius and my creative brain. Thinking just how beautifully beautiful you would’ve been.

Could you solve a math equation from the top of your head, would you sleep till noon like your father, or wake up early like me, would you continue the tradition and play tennis or would you create your own traditions, Would I walk you down the isle, or button up your tux? Oh my dear child you don’t even know what it would have been like to baptize you in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirt.

“For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
Have mercy on us and on the whole world”

Baby my sweet child,
Why did you leave before I could even say your name?
Why did you give into the white light and leave me with a scarlet pain?

Did you sacrifice yourself to spare me of what life I would have lived with you in it?

But I want you in my life. I dream of your ringing footsteps, of you crying out for me, of holding you to my breast and carrying for you with everything I have.

“For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
Have mercy on us and on the whole world”

Baby, I’m sorry I never got the chance to love you.
But you’re not a baby anymore now are you, you’re my little angel.
Sweet angel of mine, I’m sorry that I failed you. I’m sorry that I can’t internalize a reason for you death even though your death was internal for me.
I’m sorry that I couldn’t give you the life that you deserved.

“For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
Have mercy on us and on the whole world”

My beautiful baby I love you till this day.
You might be gone, but the idea of who you could have been lives on with me, forever.

I’m sorry our love died I’m sorry that my body wasn’t strong enough to hold you.
I was carrying so much, that it made me lose my everything that could of been you.

“For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
Have mercy on us and on the whole world”

I would have named you Mark or John, or Mary magdalin, I would have rocked you to sleep every night. Loved you with all of my heart, sing to you till your precious eyes closed, and I would be sure to let you know I loved you. I loved you while you were being formed, and I loved and I missed you while you were deformed.

“For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
Have mercy on us and on the whole world”

Baby, sweet child of mine, how could you have left when there is so much love left for you here with me. Why did you go home before I had the chance to make you a home of this world. Before I could even see your face before we could even given you a name.

“For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
Have mercy on us and on the whole world”

Precious little baby I know you’re at the gates of heaven, and I know you’re not mine, so all I ask from you is to send me a sign that you’re ok, that I can be ok without you.

“For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
Have mercy on us and on the whole world”

But I lay here barren and empty.
Scooped bare, and ripped apart internally.
I have nothing to give you but my love.
I will always love you. My sweet beautiful baby. And I will hold my hand to your previous home of my body and feel for your heartbeat, your sweet beautiful innocent heart beat and I will never forget you, the love of my life, the one I never knew.

Now that you're here
We'ld like you to stay

In the church of wicked
Surrender, as you may

You can't feel the bliss
If you haven't had it in grey

Can't be a content worshiper
If you haven't ever disobeyed

Offering blood and words
Blaming it all on 'fate'

We gather here every night
In our own realm, outside Heaven's gate

Is it too late to revel
In reveries of rival lovers
Fighting for each other's heart
To be one and the same
And wholly remain
Without disguise and without shame
Let love wash away our battle stain
For in His holy name we fought
Against each other’s heart
In the name of love
We pray
Forgive us, Lord today

My fingertips graze the softly lit sky, ripping through clouds made upon my arrival.
For I am a guest of most divinity, chosen by the one who will make me holy.
Wings spanning wide at the hips, keep me up through the pink dying backdrop of above.
The world below unseen to anyone, unwanted by anyone.
My halo is missing, I cannot find it, I cannot see the truth without it.
The sky draws dark now, illuminated with friendly regard now visit with intent to seek the unseen.
The pale glow from dusk now settles to a sheet of dark.
I am here, I am alone, I am holy.