I need to speak but it weighs so heavy on my mind.

"They don't love you."

"You aren't good enough."


I can't work, I can't sleep, I can't breathe.
This feeling is suffocating me slowly.
Let me out, let me speak, let me be who I am without judgement because I already judge myself enough for the both of us.

-t.s.

I woke up. it was Sunday morning and the air was cool. I wanted to move but the air seemed heavy and soft.
So I laid in bed for a while. I wanted to rest my spine.

the air feels warm as I move into the upstairs living room. I sit in the rocking chair and deep breathe.
I will go downstairs. But I wanted to rest my spine.

I made my way to the stairs when I heard arguing. The kids were in the car and my mom and papa were arguing about something.
I didn't go downstairs, so I sat down and continued to rest my spine.

The door slammed. I got a text from µˆ˚´ . I replied and looked out the window. My mom got out shortly after.
I wanted some coffee while I rested my spine.
my breathing is quiet and deep. my lungs are full of the strange haze and my stomach is aching.
I made some toast with my coffee and sat down at the dining room table,
so I could rest my spine.

The door burst open. I set down my coffee.
my father walked in and the air got slightly colder,
"the family is gone for five minutes and that's when she gets up."
I looked at him and said words. He slammed the door to his bedroom. I sipped my coffee again and held it to feel some semblance of warmth.
I continued to rest my spine.
He came out of his room and slammed his door again. He went through the others to leave and slammed those too.  
He got in his car and left. I watched through the big window and laid down in my chair so he couldn't see me exist.
I rested there with my spine.

A heavy thought is      dropped into the mind.
When it becomes light     it will resurface.

Walking away from you on this never ending crosswalk.

You're so far away from me now but I can feel your eyes burning,
watching me as I go.

I'm trying with all my might not to look back,
afraid I'd run back into your poisoning arms.

I keep walking,
with a heavy chest.

Knowing this is it.

With the sun on my face the shadows fall behind me.

And that's where you belong,
in the shadows of the past.

Reaching for a light
that cannot be had,
For it is but a mirage
hanging in the Blackness.

She dreams of a new way
to live the life she has forgotten,
Hoping to be released from
a life not worth remembering.

But a life of immortality
does not come with that choice.
A life without death is empty,
there's nothing to value when there is nothing to lose.

She is free to live her life
anyway she shall choose,
Yet she will spend eternity
reaching for that light.

These chains that bind us
shall never break.
We have worked to hard
to build them around us.

Slamming doors on those who don't understand,
turning the lock and throwing out the key.
Resigning to reside within ourselves.

Waiting in the shadows, we lurk
seeking out that one soul,
the one as lost as ourselves.

These chains that we bound ourselves with
shall never break; shall never release.
All we can do is wait for the one
who's chains fit with ours so well.

Your hands on my body, that I tried to push away..

Your lips on my skin, where I didn't want them..

My back against the wall, where I couldn't break free..

My hands trying to get you off me, when you wanted my clothes off..

My pleads of No, meant nothing.

My body shaking, wishing that I didn't exist..

Your weight on me, another suffocation..

The words no longer could leave my lips, my body wasn't mine anymore..

The running, crying in panic with no shoes is the last I remember..

I remember it like it was yesterday, wait..

it was.

I thought you were my friend..