Don’t tell me you love me if the weight of who I am makes you flinch. If the fractured parts of me send you running instead of reaching. You say your heart is mine, but only when it’s effortless, when I’m glowing, when I’m easy to love, when I’m bleeding quietly behind a proud smile. Where were you when I shattered in silence? When my eyes pleaded for even the smallest reason to stay afloat? You’re in love with the idea of who I could be, the version that doesn’t question, that doesn’t ache, that asks for nothing. But love doesn’t live in words. It lives in quiet hands pulling someone closer when walking away would be easier. So don’t say you love me if you can’t stand still when the fire starts. If you vanish when things get real, it’ll hurt less to let you go. Maybe you never loved me, just the echo of someone I never was.

my biggest fear is not to be able to write,
write for whom?
the depression is over me.
i can not trust them, false cries,
false rhymes, false sights.
if he leaves me alone,
my heart brokes,
tired of the road to love.
i just want to write a poem,
only for me and you.

I long to see you,  
To stand within the fragile space where you exist,  
To feel the warmth of your hands in mine,  
A tether between what is real and what is dreamed.  

To hear the silent rhythm of our hearts align,  
A duet composed for the moment they meet,  
Face to face,  
For the first time.  

And yet,
Perhaps it is mercy  
That the distance between us remains unbroken,  
That the air between us is untouched by the weight of presence.  

For when the time comes to part,  
The echo of your absence  
Will not tear so deeply,  
And the goodbye,  
Though still heavy,  
May hurt just a little less.

does it hurt you that we don't talk anymore?
that I am now a passing stranger on the street?
it doesn't hurt me.... because you did that enough.
deep inside I know I will never love again
will never be able to give my heart away to another stranger
you were what was supposed to be the better part of me
and now I can't even imaging feeling another ones touch.
I really hoped I never had to know this feeling
you told me you loved me under the moon with the stars so bright not so long ago
and I believed you.
I thought the sun would shine again....
but I will never love again.

As my world is engulfed in flames
Do you still burn for me?
Raging fires, roaring so loudly
Do you still feel me, hear me?
As my heart burns for you
As my love erupts 
Do you not see my passion?

Or am I doomed to be a waste?
All that heat and passion and love
An explosion of emotions, searing my skies
Do I not light you up?
Ashes upon ashes, dying to embers
Do you not want my warmth?

Burned out, cinders and gray
All those feelings and connections
Did it disappear like smoke?
What was once lit now smoldered
What was once passion is now blackened
Was our fire ever real?
Or was I the only one burned?

I tried some classic Scotch tape
Of course it was cheap, so it tore so easily

I bought some painter's tape
It covered nicely but was easy to rip

Medical tape was ordered
It would have been nice if it actually worked

I had some packaging tape somewhere
That didn't even last for a day

Next was electrical tape
Stronger, but it couldn't handle the job

Then I tried duct tape
I was so shocked that it failed me

I mixed and matched all of them
Frustrating, crying as nothing works

I don't know what could help
Putting a heart back together

Isn't it a funny feeling; guilt
And the things we feel it for

I'm not sure which is harder; being unloved
Or being taught love is what it isn't

But both leave you robbed

And angry.

"
It took me two decades to understand,
You never knew how;
Yours came with strings of compliance attached

And obligatory love is a **** poor excuse for it.

"
I left, I left
And still the guilt came;

That unwanted visitor who refuses to leave.

Almost....
death could not hold a torch to the word that lingers in my mind every second of every day.
we were almost something, and that almost will haunt me for the rest of my life.
I will think about how we almost kissed that night in the dark, drunk off ***** and each other.
how you almost held my hand when we were so close to each other in the back of that old chevy truck.
the almost, when you smiled at me,
when we looked at each other,
when every word held so much anticipation.
our almost will be my forever.