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i hate myself
for becoming the person
who cries over nothing.
except it’s never nothing —
it’s the bruise
still sore
from loving him.

i’m not myself anymore,
just a sour taste
that won’t leave
my own mouth.

i skipped therapy this week,
ashamed to arrive
empty-handed,
with nothing worth
laying down.

i slipped
back into the rabbit hole,
where the air is thin
and every echo is mine.

i wish i could say
i’ll work this out.
i just need to heal —
a bit longer.
then maybe
i’ll fly.
this one is about not recognising yourself anymore because the hurt has taken over.
i was called a witch
more than once
for wanting to craft potions,
to erase the wounds
love left behind.

i burned its letters,
willed the wind
to carry off the pain,
lit candles
to hush the tears
that fell like rain.

i never prayed to the devil —
only for myself
to grow stronger,
composed,
untamed.

the spell took hold,
i can entertain
your idea of a witch.
maybe i am.
but if you plan to burn me,
you’d better do it
while you can.
this one is about the magic of surviving what was meant to destroy you.
August 13, 2025
silence 1d
I wanted you to love me on purpose—

not by accident, not as consolation,

not because I happened to be there

when loneliness knocked at your door.
I wanted to be your deliberate choice,

the name you wrote down when asked

who matters, who stays, who gets

the careful tending of your heart.
Not the love that stumbles into being,

born of convenience or proximity,

but the love that looks and decides:

Yes. You. With intention.
I wanted to be more than circumstance,

more than the right person

at the right time in the right place—

I wanted to be the person.
The one you'd choose again

in every lifetime, every version

of this story where we meet

and you love me on purpose.
But perhaps I've learned that love

doesn't always announce itself

with grand declarations—

sometimes it just quietly decides to stay.
If someone were to look at me and wish for my love, my soul will be complete.
i introduced you to them,
at the gig.

he looked at me,
eyes wide,
a little sceptic.

“husband?” he asked.

what.

did my mind trip?
“housemate. housemate!”
that’s what i said.
but maybe my heart
decided to have
its own moment.

your wife laughed —
“i thought you said husband, too.”
and there i was,
blushing through
the awkward ha-ha,
wishing for something
to sink into.
this one is about a slip of the tongue, and the moment it almost said too much.
August 12, 2025
we hated each other
until we didn’t.
our mutual spite
drifted into respect,
two stubborn selves
forced to intersect.

we took solace
in drinking,
our souls poured
with the wine.
your promise
was irresistible —
so were the signs.

i was nothing
but a mixtape
you played on repeat,
and named me —
claimed me —
as your greatest mistake.

once you stopped the tape,
stripped it to its core,
spilled the ribbon of me
right outside your door.
you forgot my name
quick enough to hurt,
but i still remember
the flames —

and how ferociously
they burned.
this one is about the wounds you never quite forget.
August 12, 2025
No, I never stay long
but you'll always know where I've been.
You'll hear my favorite song
and feel my presence within.

I've been so many new places,
an extensive list of things to do-
always leaving my traces,
Maybe one day you'll stand in my point of view.

Clover patches spawn on the outside
whenever I show up anew.
Do they remind you of times
when I've lied,
or all the silly dreams I confided in you?

I always seem to leave my mark,
flecks of green where they ought not be.
Bright neons light up the dark,
recentering some focus back to me.

Or maybe it's more of a haunting-
to be reminded of my soul,
to always be found is so daunting
when vanishing fully has been my goal.

What if I don’t want to be remembered?
I want to fade away in the void.
All evidence lost in the embers,
my sounds fading into background noise.

It’s not really me they hold close,
just a version that once was truth-
a humorously passionate nostalgic dose,
forgetting how I’m so uncouth.

I don’t want to be a good memory,
for those I’m trying to forget,
a snippet when I was the remedy
until I only made them upset.

Now I live in signs,
subtly in dreams,
even déjà vu at times-
things aren’t always as they seem.

If I am to be unforgettable,
if I must cross your mind,
I hope the thought is regrettable,
and slowly eats at you for a period of time.

To haunt is to be haunted,
and tortured I have been-
false futures, I’ve been taunted,
clearing caches within.

Never once have I destroyed a
pathway completely,
but this one must come down.
I’m drunk and rambling quite indiscreetly,
and your memory makes me frown.

I hope the thought of me spoils your day,
stirred up from a simple coffee -
looped in remembrance like
cursed decay,
and I the leading zombie.
Made into someone's ghost-
What a trophy for the hurt
Vindictive yet so vulnerable,
A blessing and a curse.
You’re not letting me go.
You’re making everything harder,
slowing down my plans.

Do you still miss me?
Which heartache is worse: failing in love or failing to love? Did you find peace by surrendering to fear - abandoning the spark of your dreams before they even had a chance to begin? Tell me, was it worth it?
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