You don’t love me back
You don’t love me the way I love you
You don’t love me at all
It hurts to say it but that’s the truth
You don’t love me
Everything about you excites me
But you don’t find anything about me exciting
Doesn’t help that I’m thousands of miles away
One of the reasons why we couldn’t be
Someone across the country had cheated on you
And it broke you so bad
That you couldn’t love me
But there was always a “just wait for me”
And
“You’ll have my kids”
And
“We’ll be married”
And all these things that meant something then
But nothing now
And we both knew
What it would end up being
Nothing
Everything that came out of your mouth was a lie
You never loved me
You never said it
But I thought I felt it
And I loved you too
Too hard
And it broke me so bad
That I still loved you
I just couldn’t love me anymore
And sometimes I think I still do
Sometimes I don’t feel it
And sometimes it’s all too much
Still stuck on the same person from years before
Why can’t I just take the rejection
And let it go
Why can’t I just be alone
Why?

He
  said
      I was
         beautiful

But
  he
      didn't
           mean it.

He never knew how
her whole heart
was his from the
start.

-HIY

even with moon dust in her pockets
she couldn't catch his glance
so she turned back
to magic where she came from
...

love is a weird thing.
love wrapped his arms around you sometimes like always and
maybe this is what the hopeless romantics meant when they said sometimes home is not a place
love is like religion
where the worshippers would never hesitate to jump from the highest mountain to the lowest surface of the ocean
your head will bleed and you will still carve smiles using your lips, followed by the eyes and say thank you
how silly-
when he smiles
all the wilt flowers come back to life and bloom
and bloom
and bloom like its a spring season in december
its august and its rainy here but flowers
they last longer when he grins from ear to ear
like a silly man, like a precious silly bean
when he laughs
the chaos in my mind disappear
all the tics and all the screams up there just went quiet
its the moment of contentment
i wish to last
maybe not forever but give me a moment.
i can't stand eye contact
so i stare at him when he's not looking
and oh dear god
if this is a dream, i wouldn't mind trapped here
i wouldn't mind encounter the demons i see in the corner of my bed
i would approach them, shake their hands like an old friend
as long as i can be with him
for a little longer
but
when those lips spill the word love
i don't recognise it
h e l p me-
hate is the opposite word of love and
my doubts are loud
i hate the fact that my doubts are draining his love for me
my eyes are covered
and my ears are being plugged with earphones whispering he's lying.
my love,
i love you
i'm scared of heights but i'm an idiot and i would jump from the highest mountain in the name of love.
please-
i said please-
do not get tired of me
i want to trust you
let me put my trust on you
i'm trying.
i promise.