I’m wearing a smile,
but the smile’s a lie.
I’m holding back tears,
but my eyes remain dry.

They say the way to the soul,
is seen through the eyes,
but if that is the truth,
then you can see my soul’s died.

I’m emotionally weak,
but too stubborn to break.
I scream at myself,
for being so ******* fake.

No one would know,
how broken I am.
Lying is my art form,
and self hatred’s my jam.

How can you love yourself,
when you hate who you are?
Hiding behind falseness,
like skin behind scars.

Maybe one day,
this disguise will explode.
Then you’ll see the real me,
and my world will implode.

Till then it’s my secret,
between me and myself.
So just look at my smile,
and ignore everything else.

He puffs out his chest and takes up space for two,
long before the temple is destroyed.
Nobody has told him ‘no’ in a long time,
and nobody has ever taught him how to be humble.
This is where he stands, tending his animals,
spitting and swearing and squaring up to the pigs,
his face ballooning in redness, all the majesty
of colour given to him alone by God.

His masculinity is ripe with each slain animal,
domesticated and reared for sacrifice to please another,
another man, for whom pride is not a virtue.
Nobody has ever taught him how to be wrong,
and so he is never wrong, right up until the moment
when the stone is in his hand and the blood is on the stone
and the brother is in the blood and the history is given to the brother.

For the whole of time, there has been the trinity,
and with four alive, it was simple maths of which brother
must be cut down. The strong must **** out the kind,
and Cain will go down fighting one day,
but not today. Today, there is a victor, and a title,
and a promise ripped from the heart of the father
that nobody will hurt him the way he hurts.

It is the stone that cycles back,
like rainwater or bad luck or the static feeling
of something going very wrong.
These men do not lie, they deceive,
and Cain was granted protection,
until his house fell down
and his body, under the rubble,
for the very first time,
knew the communion
of what it is like to lose.

I hate myself for talking
I inevitably do
And I wonder if you’d been so mean
If you really knew

That I would cry for hours
Hate myself for days
Stare blankly into mirrors
Until my worn eyes glazed

That for years it would haunt me
I’d replay the words I said
Your disgusted look
Tattooed inside my head

That I’d lie awake at night
Clawing at my skin
Because I hated what I knew
Was lying deep within

And I wonder if you’d been so cruel
Had you truly known
What it’s like to live with autism
How it feels to sit alone

I’m a sweet guilty feeling to the soul
Some says a cure to choler’s disease
Either to you or your enemies

I’m not meant for everyone.
The wise thoughtfully call me when it’s needed
For the fool I’m a necessity to be fulfilled

And when a man submit himself to my offer.
I’ll grant what he covertly wish.
A longing desire for relief; I’ll let his anger and enemies vanish.

Suffering has ended, one’s faith is settled
The folly will start to celebrate
While the wise will count his date

Then in the quietest night I’ll come.
That no one will expect except his conscience
The doors is unlock like someone let it open

In that same peaceful night only silence hears.
A peaceful stare all what I did
To the peaceful who is asleep
Memorizing the face of what peaceful I'll steal.

Diamonds shine, yes, that's true
But so does sunshine off a shoe
So does cheaper glitter
And the pristine fangs of a critter
And holographic paper
You're not special
You're just a lie

“Oh, what a wonderful wedding,”
Croons my best friend from across the table
“Yes, what a wonderful wedding,”
Swoons her worst enemy, agreeing,
Then, in unison strains, they both nod, decisive,
“Oh, yes, but what a shame,”
I blink, intrigued by the news ‘bout to break,
All whilst stabbing a fork at cake.
“The pure bride in white is a *****.”
They say, voices cacophonic and melodic,
“Her husband isn’t the one,
The one she hasn’t met yet,”
I sit between them, innocent,
Now utterly unengaged to the conversation,
Eating fondant; confounded; I don’t even know
Who the pure ***** bride in white is

Life is a delusion of meaning,
We seek direction without seeing.
Death is deceived as the end,
For none accept it is meant.
The people will forever live a lie,
We're not meant to live, but die.

Infinite possibilities of history,
But one day it won't be me.
Ineffable beauty we all desire,
Nefarious cruelty we all will acquire.

The only greatness we will find,
Is that destiny is very unkind.
Cupid is ****** and love's a lie,
Another arrow, and I will die.

Let me feel love again,
To leave this world in pain.
I'm not a poet anymore,
But maybe I never were.

The words here, I have said,
Are the memories I have bled.
Heal me, but never take my scars,
Feel me, for I'll be amongst the stars.
For death is darkness right?
In space, there is no ligh.
Forever, I'll float into the abyss,
And maybe find something to miss.