Maybe dad is right
Toxicity
It seems to be my enemy
And on a scale of healthy
I am not sure
Where this would be

You hurt me
But its okay
You're my best friend
The person I care about
More than anyone
That matters right?

I just want
For you
To be happy
And not hateful
Yet you insist
On being a ****

I am very good at lying to people and choosing when to look guilty
I am good at faking things
I am good at pushing people away
I am good at terrifying people
I am good at over thinking
I am good at making people feel guilty
I am good at staring people down until they feel like their soul is crumbling
I am good at hating people
I am good at holding grudges

I wish you would leave me alone.
I don't want your company
Nor
Do I want to hear your voice.
You sicken me.
It's not like I have a choice
To have you stalk me as if I were your prey.
No matter how much I push you away.
You always seem to stay.
Please. Leave me be.
Can't you see? You're unwanted.
Filthy mutt.
Leave me be.

and instead of loving you
   I started hating you
for everything you have done
and the way you've changed

You say something
Than I use it
My denfence mechanism
I say somethin really ****** or mean
But in just the right tune
For you to assume I'm not an *******
But using sarcasm rather than being a ****
Be secretly I am
I'm rude and mean and hateful
But not always and not to all
Just those who don't fully understand my brand of Sarcasm

he said it was too much,
to keep caring for a worthless girl,
he said it was too hard,
to keep loving her depressed soul,
he said it was too painful,
to keep watching her crumble,
he said it was too irritating,
to keep fighting for her,
and so,
he left with a few
hateful words directed
to her.

**but he never asked
how it was for her,
to deal with a scarred body,
a ****** up mind, and
an empty soul.

sweetness evades me, hiding in my stomach. being broke is not the worst, i guess.. until hunger shakes my bird bones - skinny not an issue, but weightlessly i drift to the keyboard back and again and with lazy eyes tracing the pattern provided over and over a few times more before
heart drench me
beating around in the brushfire
i stand on delicacy, shiver and stammer, foreshadow until you can't reply without stepping on my long skirts trailing
and i just woke up, i have no idea what i'm referring to anymore

Helpless,
As I can not help but look to the stars each night and pick out the most beautiful one, naming it after you.
Hopeless,
As I am no longer able to hope that I will one day wake up in the young hours of the day soley to trace every inch of your perfect body and my whole world be, in a literal sense, at my fingertips.  
Hateful,
As I am angry at the world for allowing me to fall so very deeply in love with someone I will never touch, let alone hold.