He doesn't hear me right now.
Too busy playing games,
The ones more entertaining than me.
He doesn't look at me,
Doesn't speak, doesn't listen, doesn't care.
I know I am useless,
He drilled it into me from day one.
My words mean nothing to him.
I have stupid hobbies, stupid wants.
Nothing about me is worthy of him.
I look down at myself.
I know what gets his attention,
My dignity drops along with my pants.
He looks at me for the first time in days.
I am finally spoken to.
His words slice me.
He calls me what I am: disgusting,
Desperate, useless, horrible.
But most importantly: I am his.
I am nothing without his approval.
But at the same time he worships me.
The only approval I've gotten,
Only when I am exposed in front of him.
My only worth is my body parts,
The ones I so desperately hate.
He does what he wants,
I have no choice but to let him.
I have no one else who sees me.
Even if he only sees me for what I am;
a tool for his enjoyment.
This is about my ex. He would consistently ignore me, and even berate and threaten me until I would give him what he wanted. He knew I was desperate for love and affection, and he decided to use that. I hate him.
