If I had to think of one phrase to describe me,
It would be: “I feel…deeply.”
Happy to sad,
Melancholy to glad,
The good days feel amazing,
And the bad days feel…bad.
But I feel…deeply.

Sitting in a room full of people I’ve seen,
Talked with, greeted, and shared some things.
Yet, I still feel like a stranger,
Who wandered somewhere I shouldn’t be.
This lonely feeling,
I feel it…deeply.

Friends who’ve moved on,
Without a second thought,
Leaving me to fend for myself.
“Who needs anyone else?”
I’ll say to myself to muffle my grief,
But I still feel it…deeply.

Helplessness, entrapment,
All fueled by anxiety.
I gnaw at the ropes,
Trying desperately to break free,
With what little I control,
I guess I just go with the flow.
As I weep,
Because I feel…deeply.

Perhaps, I’m too different.
Perhaps, I’m not enough.
Perhaps, I’m just forgettable,
Perhaps, that’s all I ever was.
These fictitious thoughts creep into my reality,
As I feel…deeply.

I wish I were normal,
I wish I fit in,
And I wish I wasn’t abnormal,
But a normal bystander instead.
I know there’s only one of me,
And I should be the best me I can be,
But sometimes, it feels like,
I can’t even be me…right.
This, I feel…deeply.

Sometimes I wish I didn’t think,
Sometimes I wish I were less advanced.
Would it be easier,
Or would it be harder then?
Why does everyone around me seem to function like they’re fine,
While I’m struggling and crumbling on the inside?
Life never said it was going to be fair.
I just wish I didn’t care.
But instead, I drown in an ocean, searching for meaning,
This I feel…deeply.

What am I to do?
What am I to say?
“This is who I am.”
And go on with my day?
Sometimes I hate how I am,
My biggest hater is myself,
And no one else.
Though it’s easier to assume they do.
Even if it’s not the truth.
Sometimes I wonder how my life would be,
If I didn’t feel so…deeply.

It's rotten work
It is for me
If it's me

It's rotten work
To get up in the morning
To keep breathing

It's rotten work
To make coffee
And drink water

It's rotten work
To eat when I'm not hungry
And get dressed every day

It's rotten work
It is to me
If it's me

It's rotten work
To go to work
To pay my bills

It's rotten work
To fake normalcy
And mask whatever the hell this is

It's rotten work
To not just sleep
Sleep and sleep and sleep

It's rotten work
It is for me
If it's me

It's rotten work
To drive each day
And not off the highway

It's rotten work
To be alive
And keep caring for myself–or trying to

It's rotten work
Because all I want to do
Is not talk, not eat, not drink

Just...sleep.

It's hard to trust someone who always lied.
It's hard to love someone who made you cry.
It's hard to care when you want to die.
It's hard to believe when you have no pride.
It's hard to forgive when you already tried.
It's hard to be happy when there are tears in my eyes

Be a star, not a moon. Shine with  your own hard work.