In the darkness
of an empty room,
I cry in the corner
seeing visions of you.

I want to feel your touch.
Feel your touch, feel your touch.
You held out your hand,
but I couldn't grab on.
These guilty pleasures
are held, in front of me.
These guilty pleasures
are taking a hold on me.
I can't break free,
Can't get back up
There are no pieces
left to pick up.

As I lay in the dark
of a nice warm bath.
Planning how to take my life away,
I breathe in deeply
drift beneath the water
Until I struggle to breathe
That is when visions of you
resurrect me.

I want to feel your touch.
Feel your touch, feel your touch.
You held out your hand,
but I couldn't grab on.
These guilty pleasures
are held, in front of me.
These guilty pleasures
are taking a hold on me.
I can't break free,
Can't get back up
There are no pieces
left to pick up.

Kneeling in the shower
praying to a God
that doesn't exist.
Don't know the difference
between reality and make believe.
As I look towards the shower head
I still can't see.
These scars that cover me
may need rebandaging.
He's a lost cause,
an abomination.
He's a disgrace
to the human race.
We've been here before
I'm all alone, in this empty room,
Crying in the corner
seeing visions of you

I want to feel your touch.
Feel your touch, feel your touch.
You held out your hand,
but I couldn't grab on.
These guilty pleasures
are held, in front of me.
These guilty pleasures
are taking a hold on me.
I can't break free,
Can't get back up
There are no pieces
left to pick up.

Oh, I've lost myself
everything makes no sense.
I think about the time
you said that you'd be there,
I'm not sure you even cared.
But your smile saved my life
a million times before.
I'm in need of you,
but this time you're gone.
Not sure I will survive anymore.
As I kneel in the shower
praying to a God that doesn't exist,
This razor penetrates my skin.
The blood trickles down the drain,
He falls to the floor,
crucified he cried
Crucify me tonight.

I want to feel your touch.
Feel your touch, feel your touch.
You held out your hand,
but I couldn't grab on.
These guilty pleasures
are held, in front of me.
These guilty pleasures
are taking a hold on me.
I can't break free,
Can't get back up
There are no pieces
left to pick up.

Oh! My star has fallen tonight,
If they were there,
he might still be alive
every night,
he died a little more inside,
my star has fallen tonight

As I lay in the darkness
of an empty room
staring at the ceiling
seeing visions of you
I see your smile
it puts my mind at rest
I fall asleep
knowing I truly was blessed.

©2017 Written By Benji James

Once in a lifetime
You'll meet that one in a million
And you can't help but drown
In such divine beauty and grace
Lost for words
with every move that she makes
Feels like I was falling deeper
This girl she was a keeper
Never thought I'd ever mistreat her

Oh honey can't stop
Crying over you
Straight from my heart
I'm breaking in two
Still, can't bear that I lost you
And memories of you
Are playing on repeat
All these thoughts
I can hardly sleep
Oh honey
Still crying over you

Everything fell,
went stone cold sour
Go through this situation
In my head for hours upon hours
How did we grow so close
Just to be torn apart
Words I should have left unspoken
We're put out in the open
And that's when we slid
into a constant fight
I'll never forget that night
Because I was so wrong,
And you were so right.

Oh honey can't stop
Crying over you
Straight from my heart
I'm breaking in two
Still, can't bear that I lost you
And memories of you
Are playing on repeat
All these thoughts
I can hardly sleep
Oh honey
Still crying over you

And it's here and now
I realise just how
much I messed up
If I could do it all again
You know I would
Let my insecurities
Get the better of me
Resulting in the hurtful words
I put you through
And I'll never forgive myself
for the hurt
I've caused inside of you
So much heartache
In watching your heartbreak

Oh honey can't stop
Crying over you
Straight from my heart
I'm breaking in two
Still, can't bear that I lost you
And memories of you
Are playing on repeat
All these thoughts
I can hardly sleep
Oh honey
Still crying over you

©2017 Written By Benji James

Its my fault for wanting to hug clouds
Clouds are there to fly through

Its my fault for wanting to drink rain
Rain is there to wash with

Its my fault for wanting to catch light
Light is there to shine in

Its my fault for wanting to keep leaves
Leaves belong to the winds

Its my fault for wanting to have you
You are there to dream of

Like the ring of a bell in the distance
some trance which in an instance
can seem like it lasts an eternity,
I embrace the natural wild just as much as I can,
I know it's not a normal thing
but life is short and I am happiest free.
Lost in the moonlight halo or entrenched
in active chaotic madness, it's all the
same to me. A vagabond, a fool,
I earned this by word of mouth alone,
never again truly kissed, scarred and yet my poor
living is sacred, there is no place I can call my own,
this all I am thinking as I drift off to sleep
for the very last time, as you hold my shaky hand,*
there is little I'd have left for my journey while
they take all they can that is left
of my world all for the sake of greed,
of nothing but selfish sentimentality,
I am already guilty, instantly proven guilty,
so for once let me be.

Are the motivations of our heart,
in sync with The Word’s principles?
Do we recognize that we’re guilty
and forgiven… by our blessed Lord?
While some forces seem irresistible,

we know that the battle is not ours
and our responsibility is in the gap;
are we truly standing united in Faith,
meeting needs and praying, employing
The Word as our spiritual bootstrap?

We push forward, not permitting pasts
to hold us back and bind our hands;
the mission of His Kingdom continues,
we willingly celebrate our commitments
and help others to exit the wasteland  

of empty or destructive lifestyles.
When we’re humbled, we’re grateful
and thankful for His lasting goodness;
in His sacred wake, we’re left knowing…
that towards us, He’s always merciful.

Feeling selfish
For resting
Councillor says
Your selfish for not resting
Delagate
Dump
Do another day
Don't bother
4 kids to mother
Pain makes you nasty
Irritable emotional
irrational
Horrible
Meds make you *****
Clumsy dangerous to drive
Rest is all I have
too be my best
Thinking the 4 Ds
Is how I role
Banish these feelings of guilt
I rest
To be my best .

I'm always the one
Who upon the finger rests
Imprisoned by you