there’s this thirst inside of me,

a monster who enrages my insides and tears me apart
once you feed the monster, there’s no stopping me.

I binge.

And after comes the guilt and the shame and there’s no self-control.

the monster inside me was right, so I got up, and flushed almost everything inside me down the rabbit hole.

I knew I shouldn't have done that, but it was better to get rid of the guilt physically than let it rot inside my body more than it already was.

In the night, I pretend to feel warmth
of your body and hands, big and strong,
wishing not to wake up, not to feel
this cold absence of you (too real).
I escape to the fantasy—
—stop,
loose myself in the ecstasy—
—don't!
Would you think of me less if you knew
that I wish to not see morning dew?
But the sun will come out anyway,
painting all of my dreams with cold grey...
After making another mistake,
I sit here, on our bed, wide awake.
Slender body beside is not yours.
I'm not fooled: It's not love – it's remorse.

Here, I crumble in this morning light,
feeling all the effects of last night.
He'll wake up and pick up all his stuff,
look at me and breathe out: "that's enough."
He will leave; there isn't much I can give
to him now, as your absence I grieve.
One day, maybe, I'll see him for him,
Embrace on purpose — not on a whim.
Would you deem me a cheat if I flee
to his arms and pretend to be free
from this loss, maybe learning to heal?
Would you blame me for wanting to feel
his—another man's—warmth in our bed
that hasn't been warm at all since you left?

They asked, "why are you as silent as a stone?"
She replied, "why should I be voluble as the Mynah? My heart and tongue are deprived of goodness just like a desert, deprived of a sea.
Another voice said, "Ergo, redundant talk comes with unbearable guilt."
They asked again, " if so, why do you not speak the despairs you hide?"
She replied, " Because, the gift of patience usually reigns.

you chide me
   to right me
then you utter an apology
    although you don't need to
for you'll never tolerate if hurt hurts me

you swallow guilt
   and I swallow resentment
I fill myself with fury and ****** it all to you
    Do I ever care if it hurts you?
Zillion apologies emerge from you, but not even one emerges from me

It was a somber retreat that walk home,
The streetlights beckoned her every step,
A haze of doubt and suspicion lingered in every corner,
Guilt climbed her spine and caused her to shudder and pine,
An endless agony of mistakes foregone,
Perched upon the darkened doorstep she now steadies herself,
Bracing the confession afoul.

Love is the most hideous of all
that you'll ever feel,

You wont even realize its there when you have time with that one person and

all of a sudden

you feel all this weight pulling your heart down at once knowing that your time with them has come to an end.