As I sit, my heart stands and my head goes roaming.
I am half lost in thought and dilemma of growth. The wishes of growing up getting intense on my nerves as I don’t wish to get any younger much as age keeps me on the advance.
Now, I count the mornings, days and the nights knowing it’s easy to slumber but not with the weight of my dreams. When I look at the mark of 100% and haven’t attained close to 50% I go weary. Midlife crisis has struck with its luggage of famous responsibilities.
I will not stay comfortable because my age mates aren’t where my focus is for I believe I need to set the bar for myself and my companions. The thought of it itches so bad so bad to bring me butterflies, and then goes insecurity, to loose what you already have grip on. Family, closet friends and your hustling grounds.
To this point the rhyme of Psalms 23 keep rolling on my lips as my eyes are close in meditation, every time I sit even when I go to bed. I want to raise my hand to admit it’s not easy being an adult, neither is it so hard. The difference comes when we fail to strike a balance to know WHAT GOES ON AND WHAT WE MUST LET GO?
In the end I come to appreciate Life, Life God has given me and has given us. Something I have as the biggest asset I run to the third floor.
I am not concerning about who went there first; I am in contemplation of the uniqueness I will bring to the table. We nearly live half of our lives in 20’s as it’s believed to be a time of adventure. Well I can’t regret want I went through for these lessons I am ready to carry to the third floor and a warning to myself that I won’t tolerate anything or even myself for standing in my way. To those who choose us and set to battle and see us better, cheers and to blood suckers against our progress talk to the hand.

We still listen to the same bands
Walk the same streets
And think about the same boys that broke our hearts
When the only thing that mattered was the next class we had
Or who kissed who by the bike sheds

When 3pm was the end of the day
And we lived for every mistake we made
Because it didn't matter that we hated this town
And it didn't matter who we let down
We'd become something bigger than
Just names etched into a desk
And all of the tears shed

We'd love and learn
And forget

The only thing is  
After a decade and some change
After miles away
And time for it all to fade

It's still all the same

it took her months to come to this realization
but one day it just hit her, and it hit her like a brick
that even if he did come back as a new, changed person
nothing could ever repair the damage he's caused
and at that moment she knew nothing would ever be the same again

spilled butane from a refilled lighter
heat lightning in the humid air
cigarette butts in a ***** cupholder

— not sure if this is still your number. part of me hopes it isn’t.

hand-me-down jeans that don’t fit anymore
bleach fume-induced headaches
burnt plastic setting off the fire alarm

— i’m leaving soon. i won’t promise i’ll be back.

overgrown grass from 8 days of rain
singed skin over a candle’s flame
rotting meat at the bottom a trash can

— death doesn’t discriminate. i know that now.

In the first light of this day
with too little sleep
I am feeling tired and vulnerable
but I have entered the dreams, fears, and pains
of other poets from far and wide
and it seems
we are all growing and dying together
maybe just a little at a time
line by line
these spirits enter me
and assure me I am not alone
in this drift.

I am growing into my power
Each and every day
I am leveling up my psyche
Heart
Mind
Laying down a solid foundation
To withstand the depths of time.

there are some things
that are just written in ink.
the books that line my shelf
the music I play with my fingers
the startling waves I attempt to hurdle
my surfboard over
the recipe my abuelita passed down to
me of her famous tamales
my subscription to Bon Appetit
these constants anchoring me
when characters sketched by
pencil become too faint to feel,
its these delicate yet sturdy constants
that yank me out of sadness
with a "remember me?!"
with a "remember your abilities, young lady!"
"remember your divine calling to perpetually grow!"