Understand
That I don't want
To be known
But be understood how I've grown
Quiet at times
Giving birth to certain rhymes
In my head where no one
Was there to see no sun
Just the demons whispering in my ear
Dancing with the rays of my fear
How I find solace in darkness
And solitude in my peacefulness
How my nightmares keep haunting
Their promise so enticing

Understand that I pretend to be busy
To ease the loneliness inside of me
That I sleep in the middle of something
Cause it's the time my demons are attacking
How overthinking envelopes
Pushes me to slopes
Tightening the ropes
Taking away my hopes
Suffocating
Choking
Until I'm drowned in melancholia
Until I'm consumed by paranoia

Understand
That when I say I'm fine
I mean I don't want you to bother
With me and that I'd rather
Deal with this alone
Than burden you with my thorns
Thorns that chain me
Thorns that pain me
Then rip me apart
Shredding my heart
In the process
Leaving me lifeless
But it's okay
It is how I will ever stay
Lifeless, motionless, numb
Let my body succumb
To infinite oblivion
Killing my emotion

Understand
That even I can't understand
How I will survive
How I will thrive
To live and be alive
To not dive
To continue breathing
To stop from writhing
With the pain spreading
In my body taking
Over me
Over is me.

If you knew me in the rain drops, through the puddles we walk through, in the streets we grew up in. If you knew the clouds, the gray, the sounds of trees losing their water in an arpeggio of falling drops... You knew me, even if only briefly...

You helped me see the world with color,
when everything around me seemed to be gray.
My laughter I heard that didn't mean anything for a long time
finally had a purpose.
And I promised myself
that I wouldn't let you control the colors that were
painted on my canvas.
But the thing is,
I handed you the paintbrush,
waiting to see what beautiful thing you would draw for me,
and beautiful it was.

twisted in your vines
tasting your sweet grapes of wrath
starlight fades to gray