I dreamt we were in bed
Your arm draped lazily over me
tangerine glow dripping
down your velvet face. You marveled
at the earth-shattering gravity
of our coming moments, subtle smile brightening
your sleepy eyes, "how did we get here?"

          how did i get here?

In dreams, you're all of it,
all of yourself, the best parts
of me, everything
that made me clutter past
lovers into this small space
in my heart.
In dreams, you're everything
I've ever loved about everyone
I've missed— the Frankenstein
father my daughter will never have—
          But you're not real,
You only exist in the perfect space my brain's created
out of the fragments you left.

Maybe in a way, I loved you— absent from eternity;
out of gratitude for opening
my heart to the idea of love
with anyone who saw me
enough to feel it— Gratitude

for allowing me to love
myself candidly
in my revival.

I hold space for that

I still live in your shadow in some ways,
creeping through
the memories this town has
of you,
leaving my own behind
in my imminent departure.

I'll never be absent of you
I'll never be absent of you

There are apples and orange juice in the fridge.
Two apples from a giveaway cardboard crate,
An orange juice for a hard week’s full of rage.

I peeled and diced the apples into bits,
But my bowl stored more than it could fit,
So I ate half for dinner, the other half for breakfast.

Surprise, there are frozen dumplings in the fridge.
But the *** held more than the lid could close,
So I ate half tonight, the other half tomorrow.

Things keeps multiplying without me begging,
Maybe it’s because I keep giving without wanting,
And just when I thought all ran out, I remember

There is still the orange juice in the fridge.

it wasn’t stage
but it was enough,
at least it should’ve been
to me,
im sorry i threw to the
side so easily

Do you ever stop…
and really look?
Feel the breeze through your fingers,
hear little kids laughing as they run,
watch an old couple window shopping?
A pregnant mother,
a girl and her dog on a bench,
sneaking him her ice cream—
Do you feel the flowers bloom?
Do you let the rain kiss your face?
Do you hear the waves crash?
Do you notice old friends catching up,
girls in their twenties joined by the hip,
an old man enjoying the sun?
I see it all.
And I’m asking you—
look with me,
feel it with me,
let yourself notice
how alive love and life can be.

They raise their voice—
sharp as thunder breaking morning.
I sigh, roll my eyes,
but later find dinner kept warm,
a blanket folded at the foot of my bed,
the porch light left on.

School drains me—
assignments stack like bricks.
But my backpack holds books,
my teachers call me by name,
someone saves a chair for me.

Sometimes I ache
from being the one who always understands.
But my playlist still knows the lyrics
that hold me together.

And in the quiet,
I see the love that never left.

The first needle
stung
Eyes closed to wince
The charming prince
stinks

The second needle
tore
Heart clenching the pieces
hope decreases

By the third needle
numb
The carriage came
to pick up it's claim

Miraculously,
The crane took it's basket
back to the womb
Returning it gently
to a shadowed room.

Needles 1, 2 and 3
came again
But by the fourth
I prayed

by the fifth
I prayed

And by the tenth
I poured
my being, my soul, my love
my child



I think I always knew
before my bones even grew

My mom left me
a miracle

I didn't understand at first
I just felt something
brewing

So I poured
like my mom did
But I didn't have a cup
so I gushed and bled
everywhere

I would sit
and wait for someone in need of thirst
I would water the flowers
even though it rained

because it was written in my bones
before I could even object

Even though I'm fully grown now
I don't know how to get off the carriage
a second time

But as I look out the window,
I thank you mom
for carrying me
in your miracle womb

Thank you mom
for carrying me
in your miracle womb

I've seen dark times
really dark times
You've been with me in the darkest times
through the darkest of darkest of darkest of times
when people wouldn't talk to me
You walked with me
When I was at my lowest
You lifted me up
Gifted me stuff
Stuffed, I have to say Thank you!
Thank You so Much!
You've Loved me so much!

Dear Handsome,
It's me the self saboteur.
I love you and wanted you to stay.
My heart felt at home in your presence again.
Those cheekbones and curls get me
Every time.

Makes me weak in my **** knees.
Your quiet bravado gets my attention
And the swirl on your skin keeps it.
I've told everyone but you,
Let me serenade us into oblivion.

I wanted to believe you
When you said you wanted me.
I turned my mistakes into a life sentence.
Please know my actions were
Never out of malice.
I'll love you deeply
At the distance of your choosing.
Thank you for every minute because
I've loved you and you with it.

Oh the bravery it takes to show up
When you only know how to run.
A current of passion
I couldn't keep up with.
This rice paper library
Expands and contracts,
Shaking my wooden heart from its rest.

I wanted to be your person for decades.
This tarot love translates as me being
Too much or not enough, never just right.
My anxiety still crafts tales about
Why you wait to reel me back in.
Throwing blame like confetti,
This beast comes back and it's
Always hungrier once you've left.
Convincing me this daydream
Is the only way forward.

I wish this love had
The room to grow it deserves,
Not this quantum entanglement.
You've proven I'm best on paper
As an examined interpretation.
I'm under your microscope,
Come in, look close, and focus well.
Dissect me further as you see fit.

The engine of your absence
Haunts me still.
Infinite and anxious,
I'm shedding one painful scale at a time.
Cheers to these feelings that won't leave,
And this heart that loves to break.

You want to settle down
Anywhere but here and it kills me.
I remember dancing in the rain
After I finally came back.
These days you dance with strangers,
Too busy to say hello
While loving the world without me.
Your voice and silhouette
Are just out of reach.
Baptizing my chapters
With chance encounters.

I thought we were books
On the same **** shelf.
A treasure map of clues to
Piece our picture back together.
Our recalesence is waiting
Behind every apology I have.

All the things I wanted to say but didn't.
The mixed tapes you'll never hear,
The poems you'll never see.
The eternity I waited just to stumble again.
A novel of drafts becoming
Old fibers worn thin.
They can't help but unravel you with me.
An infinity of trees
Ring, after ring, after ring..