quiet night, silent cold
laid in bed, eyes won’t closed
said nobody died but I’m grieving
can’t explain but something’s missing

fate can be cruel
as if deliberately cruel
to trample your heart
humble you down

I collect my broken pieces
with his wise words of patience
and he said he’s happy enough, he’s grateful
and I realized I’ve strayed from the Most Merciful

I wore apathy like armor
but cracked every time you looked at me
like I was worth being seen.

Even now I blamed timing.
As if clocks are crueler than my own hesitation.
As if love didn’t stand right in front of me
and wait with open hands
as mine stayed tucked in pockets.

I convinced myself I was unworthy
before anyone else had the chance to.
I set fire to every almost
just to say “see, it was never going to last”
like that made it less my fault.

Still, I write this like it matters—
like this confession changes anything.
But all it does
is remind me
that I had everything
and still chose nothing.

Perfectionism is so far away from reality.
Embracing this moment is more than enough.

Let's be grateful for that one moment today which made us smile.

I'm living, loving like it is
first time happened in my life long ago.
Cheers, heavens—great like I always prayed.
They come in all sorts.
Happiness comes out of my throat—
giggles, laughs, all comes in different sorts.

Love in my heart.
It is my first time to live it true.
Life feels like flying—
like it's the first time
coming from above.

Bless us sometimes.
I live loving life.
I love it every time I feel alive.

This is my time to say goodbye
for all the cry,
the things drained me.

I'm in a fresh start,
hoping for love and best wishes—
hugs for me.

I want to finally live free.
See me come, go,
like I'm a float boat—
happy like insane.
Heavens blessed me.

Life do really care.

I only dream of reaching you,
Here grounded on this patch of Earth.
Yet all the same, I'm richly blessed
To see your beams of silver-blue,
And sights of all the landscape dressed
In brilliance that gives Night its worth.
What are the dark hours without you?

Before I was born

What was I thinking?
No, stop! What-was-I-really-thinking?
Perfection? There is no such thing here, this side of heaven,
Yet, I’ve spent my entire life trying to be,
More, hating who I was,
Striving to be more?
Was it from the trauma of my first surgery
To my brain at 11 months young, that then suffered, again and again, three times more?
Was it the generational trauma carried in my DNA? Unseen, unheard but screaming: you’re not enough!
Stop trying, give up!
Was it others taunting and teasing, yet in reality testing,
Testing what I would do with their jealous tirade?
What a waste.
That’s not how I want to live anymore.
I want to rethink, no, re-imagine a new reality, and step right into my innate creativity.
Breathed within me before I was born.
By YOU...

sometimes it’s piercing me how
people didn’t realize that
what they have easily are
invaluable luxury
something i can’t buy with money

oh if only
if only i’m in peace
with everything i have
value them as luxury
maybe my heart will finally be at ease

I'll cherish the sun
Wherever i run
I'll seek happiness
Guard myself from emptiness

I'll cherish the moon
Hoping to see it soon
Gazing on the stars
Forgetting my scars

I'll cherish the land
For helping my stand
Ever growing flowers
Helping many lovers

I'll cherish the oceans
For all the lovely motions
Soul soothing sight
Deserving its might

I'll cherish the world
For giving me these words
To express this beauty
Making running truly worthy