If tomorrow starts without me,
Will my boys feel the void in the bathroom at 7:00
That used to be a song inside the shower?
Will the school guard miss greeting me back at 8:30am
“Good morning” in my own language?

If tomorrow starts without me,
Will the secretary look for me at 10:30
As parents report of me missing a meeting?
Will the server wait at the cafeteria at 12:30
but nobody shows up to order only half a portion of a meal?
Will students ask my colleagues at 14:00
whether I am sick or attending a conference?

If tomorrow starts without me,
Will neighbors notice that at 15:00
My bike still stands at the front garden?
Will the life guard at the pool notice at 18:00 that no swimmer is wearing blue green googles?

I know I am unworthy & undeserving,
Beneath you, love;
And yet, with shame,
I feel the same as I have always
This heart - of yours.
It is kindred, and full of lust.
Hopelessly infatuated,
Though I know we were all wrong.
I can't help it,
And I assure you it isn't obsession
For I have known that,
This is not it.

Just painfully unrequited,
For all my faults.

What will the horizon bring us?
I wonder,
Can you feel my heart?
In dawns of days gone,
In coming eves of twilight;
When I said
I shall always love you,
I meant it.
And days now start
Within a sky where there is no sun,
Within the dark of night, no stars;
Inside of me there is light
All formed from the memories
Of two kids in love, young.
Spiderwebs still entrap
Yet the venom is tapped-
How I wish I was still poisoned.

Last thing you have to do,
in your bag of things you have
in mind, that must be done, before
finality sets all you lived for
in allegorical stone, for
example, ensample
being subtil until
the inside out
recognition

set the next generation straight,
using ancient innocent Disneyifity.

Tinker's solder dam seen into once,
and being seen seeing, the seer chose
to loose the reason we've begun choosing

from nothing, something everything is made
from or of or in or on or a gross or so more
pre-positioning facts,
every where we look,
there it is, nothing is impossible
to do right. On the last try, you die.

Guaranteed.
………

by the time i’ve woken up,
with my wooly socks pressed underneath blankets,
you’re already gone.
i don’t believe in myself
when the people i love leave cause they can’t contend with my
dagger defenses
and my ugly weapons.
i wish so, i wasn’t so dangerous with the ones
who give me a warm bed to sleep on
a warm mug of tea,
soft little socks so my feet don’t freeze
and they call me the things i want to hear
but not because i forced it out of their mouths,
but because they really want to.

and by the time you leave, i’ve already understood why you had to exit the house,
pack all your belongings into your flimsy *******,
and escape from the scene.
i’ve already made sense of your decision and the vicious cycle i let you tumble through;
it’s not fair.
the way i keep you a distance you wish was much closer,
or how i convince myself that this could conclude with no closure.
your lungs cannot bear my unhealthy air.
the room is all dusty,
filled corners with my despair.
i’m laying here still,
as still as one can when they’re losing their mind.

and by the time i’ve woken up, you’re already gone without a trace
and i will not chase you;
i can’t.
i’ll lay here in waist deep shame.

I walk through the light.
In a Parallel world I step in.
I find you there.
In a there where you are not gone.  
Is it possible to make this version of you fall in love with me again?  
Do I follow the map to your heart here in the same path?
Everything feels right.
I suppose I'll let this soul ocean drift me to you and you to me.

You used to sit right there
by the dinner table
scents of coffee
light coming through the window
we looked outside
small breeze
made the trees dance
orange sky
yellow fields

the grass is not greener
on the other side
spring is knocking
on my window
where are you?
I've made us some coffee
poured you a cup
opened the window
I'll wait here for you