you told me you were different
you told me you would treat me right
you told me to trust in you
and I did, I trusted you
and for what?
I lost my sanity
I lost my identity
who I was is no longer who I am
because I let you take that from me

I hate myself for allowing you to use me
lie to me
hurt me
scar me

you want to come back into my life
and... honestly...
I crave the hurt
I know its unhealthy
I know its wrong
but yet
a part of me
wants you again
a part of me is so numb that it would do anything to feel something
even you
especially you

I hate to remember when
your eyes met mine
when we laughed too hard
I hate to remember when
your hand touched my thigh
and you whispered 'mine' in my ears
I hate it the most when
I tasted a hint of lie
right after your lips touched mine

i still talk about you like im coming home to you
i still act like ill see you later
i still mention your name in all my conversations
i still think about you in everything i do

i still wish you were my boyfriend

Afraid of the possibilities that I’ve seen but didn’t take
A simple step
A multitude that I uttered
The step I could have taken
The irresistible sweet savor of something that was missed
Afraid

Tick tock tick tock
If a tick and a tock was a motion
That’s the motion I feel with him
Up down up down
As time wraps around me every night
It caters to me
It calms me during the darkest of days
Somehow with time I feel invincible
I wake up to time everyday
Time touches me as it kisses my heart
These motions I want to last forever

just incase you’re wondering
I’m still here for you
like I’ve always been
just know if you ever change your mind
I’ll be patiently waiting until the day I die.
I promise you that.