It was hell, but I called it love,
And the whispers of regret became my favorite sound.
Your half-hearted love is what I look for in a crowd,
The games that you play kept me hanging around.

Like a garden of roses of black and purple hue,
More of thorns that cut, leave no mark or clue.
The worst place for hearts so fearless and bold,
Yet the perfect abode for a love that's stone-cold.

Heard my name resound; did you call out loud?
Glad you need me; you know I'm not trying hard.
I held out my hand, but where are you now?
I thought you'd be here, but you're not around.

You always surprise me, was that even fun?
Staying for today, so tomorrow you'll be gone.
Oh, how could you be that despicable someone,
To a girl who just thought you might be the one?

It was entirely hell, but I called it love,
Deep down, I know, it will always be.
But a love like mine won't forever survive,
Someday, I believe, it will set you free.

I liquidate my words with love
As I drink and dine with you
To poison you with my perfect drug
The only stable cure for a world of webs
While you may be caught in mine
I'm no spider but a simple butterfly
Meant to drink the nectar bleeding from your genuinity

And if we're ever lucky enough

we'll meet each other again.

We'll look into each other's eyes

maybe only for a split second, as we pass by.

Maybe you'll be on your phone,

and I'll have a coffee on my right hand.

And we will cross each other indifferently

but our eyes will know.

'*** the eyes

my sweet, gentle, boy,

they never lie.





//A

Love is more than sightless we know.
Love is the whole thing,
everything in this world;
- you can do either good or bad,
right or wrong,
in kindness or selfishness
- literally just for ourselves or to anyone else we genuinely love.
Love has it all labels – it’s all about us how we give love neither an evil nor a brilliant name.

If I were to draw me
If I were to paint me
If I were to create a physical representation of me me

I would draw a dancer
One who seems in control
Like she has it together
Like she has full command of her movements, of the floor, of her partner, of the music
She knows what she is doing and she is doing it well
Her partner trusts her
The floor trusts her
She does not trust her
She is making it up as she goes
But she knows she is making it up wrong
But they can't know that.

I would draw a child
full of insecurities
Full of rebellion
Full of doubt - in herself; in the world
A black hole for love
A vessel of fear
But they can't know that either

I would draw me as a kind warrior. A commander
as I step into an imaginative reality that is aided by games, by friends.
I am confident there.
My mistakes are large, but there is nothing real to lose - we can always try again.
My compassion is a rare gem, noticed by any who get close enough to look
(mainly jagged rocks are seen in these seas)
The friendships are Real. And I am too.

I would draw myself as a child.
At least, that is how it would look at first
I would be standing next to a man, my dad.
Upon looking closely, one would realize the man is the child.
And the child is the adult.

I would draw myself as a mom
Picked by her kids. Chosen. Looked up to.
Seen as cool, wise, infallible. A great mom. One full of love.
They would only be right about that last part
And they would only be right about that last part sometimes

Garments stripped from worn bones and weary mind
Feet dragged on tile; hands grasp plastic veil
Stepping into a tub; near swoon divine
A pure, naked self emancipation,
before the squeaking running metalware  
that erases the daily equation.
Dancing, singing tunes of own devices:
Cupid, Shooting Star, Sister Golden Hair
Rocky Mountain High, American Pie
****** bosses gonna kiss ***** here
Astronauts, cowboys, and rockstars meet here
Best yet, the individual is here

Although merely hidden by a curtain,
all for your view is but a damp shadow.