They all sympathise

and write their best intentions --


to put in the urn.

wading through the faces as they fade into the portraits
swallowed by the room of fresh pressed funeral suits
cold eyes boring holes into the back of my head
all the boring jokes i've told to best dressed mourning guests

the rest, my best guess
arrived to celebrate your death
no one thinks to bring flowers for the living
april showers bring may flowers
but you pushed daisies into my hands
when you're left holding the bouquet
you won’t stop to smell the roses

I was at a funeral recently
A work colleague's father had passed away
It was a lovely ceremony
There was a lady in the choir who sang beautifully
All the lovely hymns
And then she did this wonderful rendition of 'Danny Boy'
Jeez! I could feel myself welling up
And I didn't even know the guy... the deceased
And then suddenly amidst all this sadness and celebration of his life
Suddenly this funny thought it just pops into my head
It says "Y'know when you die, at the funeral you should get the priest to do the reading
Of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead
A wonderful story
Lazarus's relatives come to Jesus and implore him to come and heal Lazarus who is sick
But by the time they get to his house they find he's been dead for a couple of days
But this news doesn't deter Jesus
He tells them to roll away the stone of the tomb
The tomb keepers protest"But he'll smell, he'll stink!"
But Jesus persists "Roll away the stone " he commands
So finally they agree and roll away the stone
Then Jesus cries "Come forth Lazarus, come out of the tomb"
If this was being read at my funeral
It'd creep out the whole congregation
When the priest would say "Come forth Lazarus, come out of the tomb"
They'd all start looking nervously over at the coffin
And maybe suddenly there'd be this sound of wood giving way
And then the coffin lid would slide off
And a hand would appear on the side of the coffin
And then I'd sit bolt upright in the coffin like a lovely little Count Dracula
I'd have a big smile on my face
And I'd say to them all
"Hi everybody, it's OK
I'm back for another round".

I hope you wore a sweater,
in your favorite shade of blue.
It gets cold in late November,
(it gets darker faster, too)

I hope the shoes you wore fit snugly
(even if your socks don't match)
I hope your last day wasn't ugly,
I hope the pain was over fast.

I'm sure you felt your sadness deeply,
I'm sure you felt your heart ache too.
When you took a walk when all were sleeping,
in your favorite shade of blue.

I wonder what it felt like,
to pick the perfect tree.
To end your painful heartache,
snug shoes on dangling feet.

But my most pressing question,
that I would ask of you,
is where did you lose your earbud?
(you're wearing one, not two)

They moved you to the metal table,
(the one that tilts down at an angle)
They cut the sweater off you too,
your favorite one in midnight blue.

They make their notes:
your weight,
your height.
They check your shoulder width and write:
"He will fit a standard casket"
(they carry on with their assessment)

"Rope indentation - on the neck
Eyes and fingers - blue and red
Socks mismatching
Nike shoes
One earbud gone"
(that's all I knew)

Tell me why'd you take that walk?
I know the road ahead looked bare.
Tell me how you chose a song.
Did you brush your teeth and comb your hair?

Did it happen on a school night?
(your file says you were in 12th grade)
Did you tell your mom you loved her?
- with your mind already made.

So to the boy with just one earbud,
I'm sorry this world felt so wrong.
I hope you're in your favorite sweater,
and you're listening to your favorite song.

Etched into my headstone
please write
"eternally happy,
eternally free"

1 I attended with my new suit
1 I barely made it to and back
1 I watched from a screen
1 I missed the train
1 I've been preparing for

2018-2023, 5 years.

I'm 25 years old
My dads getting old too
My mom I had to convince to come
Eyes of familiar faces to watch me stand or stumble
I just want you all to know, no matter what, I love you

A son, step-son, brother, half-brother, nephew, grandson, grand nephew, boyfriend, partner in this same suit
You made me who I am

Farmor, especially you.

My mind drifts
To that night
You streaked down
Mainstreet shouting
To the late
Night world
That you
Were free

I manage to
Barely stifle
A little laugh
But they all
Knew it was
Me, their eyes
Surely said it

In that box
You're still as
Free as you  
Were that night
And I'm just
The guy who
Laughs at his
Friend's funeral