Loneliness is a knife in my chest
It hurts and bleeds

Lol

I’m too ****** up
I’m damaged
I hurt myself
I make it worse
I’m generally ****
And there’s really too much to fix

So yeah...
I get pissy when you tell me
“Oh you’ll find someone...”
And mentioned “when you get married...”
But what if I ******* don’t
How about the reality I’m ******* facing

I’m not pretty enough to have my personality overlooked
****... c’mon I know I’m not pretty at all
I’m entirely emotionally unstable
I’m too defensive to not be a *****
(There’s too much at stake)
I have absolutely no clue how to have a relationship
I don’t know how to talk to people
I don’t know how to meet people
I don’t know how to have fun
And I basically want to die 75% of the time
And maybe I ******* should

There’s really nothing right with me

Florescent lights pierce
my eyelids at five o'clock.
I open them and I squint.
I have to remember to
turn my head when I wake up.

Shuttle leaves at 6 o'clock.
I do not have time to wake.
I lumber to my locker.
Carefully turning the dial.
Careful no one sees the code.

I dress myself lazily.
The coffee here is weak.
If not, then it is day old.
Beggers can't be choosers.
I ready my beach cruiser.

Waiting in line while my breath
forms a bellow of hot
human vapor.  They pull up.
I place my bike on the rack.
I get onto the shuttle.

Fifteen minutes later I
arrive at my shuttle stop.
A five mile ride to work
while the sun bleeds over the
horizon and shines on me.

There was a peace I felt as
I vibed to music on my
way to work.  I felt free then.
Then, arriving at work, I
worked until the ride back there.

As the sun set I waited.
Shuttle pulls up and I place
my bike on the rack.  Back to
the place I wake up squinting.
I can't wait for my bike ride....

Dear ex-boyfriend,
I'm sorry you had to go.
It wasn't fair, but I understand.
Your happiness was just as important to me
as my own.

Dear ex-boyfriend,
I hope you're doing well.
Never will I wish ill upon you,
no matter how much I wish I hate you.

Dear ex-boyfriend,
I'm crying on the floor.
My sadness is a black hole trying to **** me into myself.
I miss you.

Dear ex-boyfriend,
I'm wearing the makeup that you hated.
*******.
I do what I want.

Dear ex-boyfriend,
You gave me hope that you would come back to me.
Don't.

Dear ex-boyfriend,
I realized that I never needed you to love me.
I realized that I was right here to do it for you.

Dear ex-boyfriend,
I look back fondly on our time together.
I will always love you.
But you left, and please never look back.

Dear ex-boyfriend,
One day you'll find a girl better than me.
I hope she makes you happy.

I came as fresh as pine
My skin deep in scars
Of amber sap.

Never before had the
Flesh been warn
By the stripe

You did strike and begin to
Muster up as lust does
An incubus within

Who took pride in
His body suit
So willful
To touch and sin

He takes up his chord a spell
A shadow of Black Mary
No boundaries
Between trust

And I serene in slumbers art?
Spoken for my dreams
Of spirits drift

asleep.
A fire
Deep.

Burns out circumstance to decision.
Oblivion.
The back we scratch at 1:56
The  gorgon casts
A distinct stare.

The world is a ****** up place
a place for the mindless
a place where a mouthful can be mindful
a place for you to be sad.

The world is a ****** up place.
and you will try to escape it,
but the rangers of the world are relentless
pity them, for they do not know that they range
pity them, for they do not recognize the darkness they carry on their backs
pity them, for they think their escalation is supreme
pity them, for they are ****** up too.
Pity them but do not join them,
this is for your own good-
the true good,
don’t you join the traders of the world
don’t you join the keeper of keys
don’t you join the giver of things
and don’t you join the maker of slaves
for this world is put in front of you as a test

A test!

Fleas ****
Flies ****
You ****
I ****
And when we ****
It sure does feel like love

*******
**** me
**** everything

What the ****
Would I even do
If I didn’t meet someone
As ******* special as you

Puny little sword
Spare me little one
Sky can't get darker anymore
Hate me if you want

Scars around your neck tells stories
One of a thousand glories
Replicate,duplicate,intricate
Some of the  things we may regret

Spare me your littlest care
So that I'm not scared
Replicate,duplicate,intricate
All my mistakes, 'cause **** it's fun

i hate myself for caring
because i know it only hurts us both
but you fill a space inside of me where nothing else seems to fit

maybe im a *******
because it hurts
and it's awful
and its better than any drug ive done

it makes my hands shake
and my breath hitch
still

It’s empty
It’s cold
Meaningless void
But at least if I bleed
I know I’m alive
I’m real
I exist
They just don’t want me