Sometimes , I am unable to resist an unknown force which pushes me to go beyond my limits and makes me a deaf for listening to all the **** that others say and think about me.

(Verse 1:)
Dreaming is for fools daring to shut their eyes
Keeps us sleeping soundly
A bed of lies
Rendering us blind
Incoming demise
So confused cannot tell day apart from night
In desert searching for something to drink
What can you do out there with just your thoughts but think?
Like dreams written in your head in blood-red ink
Everything you want hard to get when you're living on the brink
Difficult roads lead each direction
Beautiful destinations if given correction
Its kind of funny
You make the connection
Best people are created from pain and rejection
No one knows what is coming until it arrives
An earthquake to shake up their life
Go to lengths to avoid destiny
You can't escape fate by going to extremes

(Hook:x2)
And I ain't too proud to tell you that I cry sometimes
I cry sometimes about it
And girl I know that **** hurt
Maybe if this world was perfect
We could make it work but I doubt it

(Verse 2:)
Difficult roads lead directly to our fate
Beautiful destinations that meaningfully await
Allowing to see good things are on the way
My mothers words haunt me to this day
"Underneath surface things are not as they appear"
Layers upon layers make picture unclear
100% something seen is real
Stable
Sincere
You reach to touch it and in seconds it disappears
I move through life like it is all a dream
The world around me is not as nice as it seems
Mirrors leave me wanting to scream
Crying about everything
Enjoy little bit of peace I have before it fully fades away
Things fray nerves every difficult day
All we have
One life
Not a day more or less
Take a moment to pause and realize you are blessed
Is reality real?
It's anybody's guess
Either way I'm going to give it my all and try my best

(Hook:x2)
And I ain't too proud to tell you that I cry sometimes
I cry sometimes about it
And boy that **** hurt
And ain't nobody perfect
Still we could make it work but you doubt it


(Bridge:)
They say perception is everything
Why can't I control the things I see?
Try my hardest to grow to be the best that I can be
But my head and my heart do not always agree
What the **** do all these coincidences mean?
There has to be something more out there for me
Caught in between where I wanna be and where I am
Because if I am being honest this was never my plan
I am just trying to survive the only way I can
With a chip on my shoulder and knife in my hand
My legs are tired but I continue to stand
Don't know why I still give a ****
Guess some lessons take time to understand
Depression has the upper hand but soon that's gonna change
Because it's about **** time I take the reigns
Begin writing a new chapter and turn the page
Take control of my life make it rearrange
Grow the **** up and start acting my age

i'd **** myself

not suicide, no, even that isn't enough
for all that i've done.

no, i'd rip myself
limb from limb
tear the muscles
that bind my long slender legs
let metal and body meet
shatter the bones that cross
inside my scarred arms
i'd tear out my ugly heart
douse it in kerosene
watch it burn and melt
bubble and turn black
i'd take the stomach
sunken deep inside
cut it lovingly apart
and feed it to the devil
i'd take razor to skin
dig out my empty eyes
shave off my pretty lips
mutilate my lovely face
til the only thing left
is pink and white
burns and scars
like the ones inside

i miss the idea of you a little.
is that wrong to say?
i miss it when i could look at you and imagine what it would be like to make you laugh.
i miss memorizing your routes to class and pretending that we just happened to cross paths.
i'd smile at you without meaning to, trying to take my heart off of my sleeve.

i miss crushing on you a little.
the same way you miss breaking curfew.
but now we're all just so tired.

i just want you to kiss me and say it's okay. say it's okay that i miss my imaginary you. because i miss the real you more.

love,
grey eyes

you were a trivial person to be around but i enjoyed hearing your laughter and holding your hand
your hand
hands
holding your face in my two hands, wow i thought
what a pretty boy he must not have intentions set
your hands
they trailed up and down my thighs
im really uncomfortable, please stop
im too afraid to move your hand away
this is turning into something else
you ask if your uninvited hand is okay where it is and i don’t say no but i don’t say yes either so that’s some sort of sign
right?
i wish it was but your hands continues to circle my porcelain slit thighs
opened the other day because i was overcome with a wave of disgust
must i always show of my chest or thighs
it’s when you were most interested it felt
i hated doing this
im only sixteen
i felt disgusting i still do it hasn’t been too long since it happened
boys don’t like people like me just for me
it’s always something having to do with the rest of me that doesn’t think
oh god i cant stop feeling your hands on me i pretended it felt good but in reality i was to afraid
you know what happens when they say no
it hurts im hurt i love you i trusted you
on my couch on my bed in my own clothes you took advantage of me
i just wanted to feel the comfort of your fingertips against mine your head on my shoulder not your hand in between my thighs your thumb shoved down my throat and your lips on my neck and chest god
i wish i could forget
incoherent thoughts gone since the day it happened i’m not making any sense am i
was it a crime for wanting you to make me feel wanted for more than just my body?

All the time
I hear it
He said to me
Sweetie be a
Sweet thing
for me

Soak me in the honey
of your *****
I want you to come
here with me
I want to drown in your sweetness
and look up at the stars
see the miracle you are

Let me hold you down
as you pull me in
Partake in this sin
with me

Baby, you and I
our universes collide
one big explosion
maybe two
maybe more
more
more
more

When you retire
exasperated
I'll keep you in this bed
of our love and our sweat
let you catch your breath
before I dive in again
and again
and again

You are soft and warm
and wet
I don't want to end this yet
Insatiable, relentless
Breathless, helpless

Your legs around mine
Your back on my chest
Maybe this is the best
night of your life
until tomorrow comes
again