**** it,
I'm strong,
independent,
and I'm my own
******* person

But ****,
I'm lonely.

I want
a hug? maybe?
the touch of
someone who cares
the comfort of affection

I crave
that warmth.

As I look over my first year of high school,
all I can remember
is this
BURNING
sadness.
It throbs in my chest, robbing my lungs of air and causing my mind to slide in a downward spiral.

I remember the yelling.
I remember the panic.
I remember the sorrow coursing through my veins, inching between my bones until it filled every last inch of me.

I remember the cuts, most of all.

But I also remember my friends.

I remember Navleen.
I remember Eunice.
I remember Damien and Kylee
I remember Kayleigh and Humera.

I remember the jokes, the silly conversations, the laughter.

I remember the stupidity that is the teenager's mind.

It's one of our last shots at being kids.

We want to take it.

But...

You
Won't
Let
Us...

****** over it all.
Don't even give a **** anymore.
**** everything.
*******.
**** it.
Bored, depressed, hopeless, toxic.
Empty, numb, cold, alone.
**** Astrology, **** Spirituality, **** Love, and **** him.
Everything I loved, is long gone.
I don't give a **** anymore.
I feel stupid, worthless, shameful, sad.
No motivation, no will, no energy, no self love.
Just loathe, feelings of helplessness, drained, exhausted.

Cain killed Abel, for Abel was favoured.
Losers need losers, for then nobody wins.
Rather a robber be king, and all be robbed.
The mark, a small price to despise the favoured.
Why Trump? Because *******! That’s why.

i remember the day
when i was considered
relevant.

the urban lights at night
were as bright
as my wake.

i'd wake up noon yet
you'd greet good morning
then my day was made.

you were a gift from
the heavens that i
believe do not exist.

you were my every poem
yes you are poetry
and still my poetry.

you filled my heart
so much that
when you left me
my chest felt heavier.

you, i wish i could
say your name.

but i can't.
i'm a coward.

i chose to stay
silent in the corner.

forced my self to not
get in your way.

but you are happy
without me.

maybe i made the
right decision.

i just hope you made
the right decision too
with the man you
barely met
yet you really loved
more than you could
ever to me.