he doesnt get it, how do i tell him i think about if hes talking to her specifically at least once a day, if not more, knowing full well he will in fact talk to her at least one of those days, and knowing that he will try to ignore the excitement but ultimately it would fill him and he will again wonder how far he can take it? i'm laying in his arms but hes not holding me, a star fish sleeper, the best time to confirm every voice screaming in my head is right, and theyre right, and i can feel the distance between us like a sickness in my veins, and he can feel it too but he wont open his eyes to the truth of why this distance keeps us at odds. i'm ******* tired. so is he. the difference is, i dont sleep.

the battle for
**** and ******

mind the need to
****

like an old poet a.k.a. copycat

im not in the front of his mind
im with my best friend on a drive
we laugh and we cry

**** boys

Allow me to bend
At the knees.

Allow me to weep.
Uncannily.

Over a basin,

A nearby water source.
Outside of my own.

I could be compared to

Those giving birth
Naturally.
Maybe.

I quite honestly Don't
Particularly,
Give a flying ****.
It's not about you.

But understand this
I am not over
I am not ended

Unceremoniously.

I am whole,
Though I am missing
Parts and pieces.

Lungs.
Bones.
Brains.

A newborn heart.

Hungry mewling
Whines.
Cries.
Tinkling laugher.
Unending diapers.

I lack those.
But still I am whole,
Even though I am only one.

I am whole.
And I need not
Nor want
Anything more.

I am whole.
As I am.

I have not ended.
I am not an uninhabitable
Husk.

I am me.
I am whole.
Just as I am.

Just allow me
To Weep
For a moment.
Just one.

I'm dramatic
I'm an addict
I'm anxious
I'm wasting
I've had it

I'm depressed
I'm a mess
I'm alone
In my head
Just confess

I'm a loss
Or just lost
No compuss
No plan
At my cost

I'm no light
I just fight
Then I cry
And I hate you
I'm not right

I'm in pain,
sear my vein
Befor I
bleed out.
It's the game.

I'm ok.
You're  blind.
Happy.
Depressed.
I'm just fine.

I am a bee
I’m flying around and can see

No one is searching for a mirrored perspective
Just buzzing like me, serving themselves busy like a bee.

Might as well just call them all id. Destructive.
No human in them to dehumanize. Just like me, cause I’m a bee.

They’re so abysmal, they **** the life from their surroundings. They become black holes, and **** me out of flight.

We’ve murdered platonic love in its housing.
We strive for coitus killing joyous. Sadly platonic love is too intense to fight.

Within this darkness they’ve absorbed me in, we rot together as equals as it should be. If only we could all help each other be in lightness.

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Drop acid. Bzzzzzzzzzz. **** each other. Bzzzzzzzzz. Care for no one. Bzzzzzzzzzz. Seek self fulfillment.

All of us buzzing. Uninterested in love, just *******.

We cannot advance leaving our siblings behind. We either grow and love together, or we rot in turgid avarice, apathy, and unsound complacence.

we have been blessed with womanhood.
not in a biological sense, nor a societal one,
but a blessing, due to our values.

no man could ever make my blood so darkly crimson
make my heart race, beat
in places within me for which
i should be so condemned.

i live for the subtle pain
of lying down once
you've torn my back to shreds–

it's the ghost of you keeping me on my toes.

i want the wine to hit you like it hits me
like it makes me want you
what it makes me want
to do to you

the way the black and grey lines
make your face in my mind

and the screaming color which
you actually are

and on occasion–i am taken to
that place
where my clinical proudness
(and therefore, reserve)
is gone

and it doesn't matter except
that you are mine and
i simply want to make that
very ******* clear

every time i look at you
i want you to know
that i am thinking about

the most carnal viciousness
and how it might
feel to be wanted
by you
how it might feel to
have you screaming
my name into my neck

how it might feel
sweet god among women
in my bed

let me tear apart the stitches in
your skirt

my dream
is to not have to sacrifice
one for the other–

as in,
you wanting me
for me taking you.

What a **** up
You're all alone
On the floor
What's the water works for?
That's right
You dramatized a simple interaction
What a break down
What a nice town
What a **** up