I’m so ******* sick of all this *******
It’s exhausting
I’m tired of it!
I’m not your possession
I’m not your slave
Your subordinate
Your minion
Your tool
Your punching bag
Your therapy

I am an adult human being
I’m a person
I’m your ******* daughter

Amputate them from myself.
Not masochism, but medically necessary.
Do I deserve such a relief?

They multiply, and strip away time.
Their mitosis is parasitic. Alien. Destructive.
This ailment leaches from me.

So glad to see you temptation...
One of love’s demons, life’s meanings

Darkness inundates this plane.
Lone light on what I’m craving.
Perched upon a ring pillow of velvet.
Distant from a vestal white, ****** pearl.
Far from what I need right now.

I don’t want to feel this lurking hostility!
Distracts my complete hospitality.
Stalking me like a meal, I can’t show what I feel.

Not until I break down and release.
Like an animal, on my knees at feast.
Only a small chunk taken from their population.
In mitosis they’ll be back shortly.
To start this destructive cycle again.

I am a woman

I am a woman
who loves women
who loves men

I hate that I get confused
I hate that I act differently
depending on whom I’m with.

My name is Mayara Deo
I have a shaved head
I wear man jeans
I spread when I sit

And I rather prefer to be called masculine
than feminine

Still
I love my female body
I feel **** in bikinis
I feel **** in boxers
But I feel observed
         preyed on
         & harassed in bikinis.

I am a woman
I do have a ******

Still
I hate being told that I am not a man.

I hate that I still confuse
my identity
my sexuality
my being

for the sake of society’s expectations of
of whom I should be.

I crush on guys

I crush on girls

I have loved a man

I have loved a woman

And if one day
I love a person
I hope to marry them.

I hate labels
**** stereotypes

And
I ******* hate that they’re ingrained.

I hate not being considered
stable
sure
a manly-woman

a womanly-man.

My name is Mayara Deo
I am a person

And I want a person
to fall in love with my mind.

I don’t care to bear children
I do want kids
I want to always have a career
I want to care for my home.

I want to be seen as an equal

I want to feel comfortable
wearing a suit on date
with a man.

I want to feel comfortable holding my girlfriend’s hand

For I want to feel valued
as myself.

**** all men

**** all women

who choose to not understand

why I feel so confused:


It’s because of you.