I need a jolt
just to break away from
the mental exhaustion
that I keep giving myself
a long walk in the park
to keep my brain from falling apart
I keep getting anxious
I keep getting scared that I'll never get my life together
that'll I'll be another statistic outside in all weather.
I'm stuck in a rut
between getting better and doing what I seem to do best, ******* up.
it's crazy because I know where I need to be but not how to get there

it took me this long to admit it but I'm scared.
terrified of what life may or may not do yo me
shivering in my boots at the fact that I have to face reality.
I'm frightened okay?! I admit it I don't know what more I can do...
because more than anything, I just want to be myself without losing you...

looking down while I hear shouting
“It’s all your fault”
I want to cry
I want to shout back
I want to scream
do I not have feelings?
can I not speak?
frustrated and angry
my lungs are filled
the burning sensitivity in my throat
I can sense the sobbing
I run to my room
the only comfort that was given to me
I can’t cry
I can’t shout back
I can’t scream
the throbbing of my heart against my chest
the clenching of my fists
the waterfall running down my face
the ripping of my hair
these human sensations
yet the pain inside will not go
is my soul shattering
broken
cracked
I feel nothing

I am a resident among stars, though I do not yet shine as brightly as they;
Among words and wonders, wandering, though not lost, still to find my way;
Among dreams unfulfilled, inheritance unwilled, love un-distilled, and a fervor un-obeyed. I am a young prince, and I am about, to come of age.
I will take the helm, I will rule a realm, and may Justice Rule my Reign.
For I am resident among stars, and 'tis my destiny to shine as brightly as they.

Im not sure what im doing tonight I have far to much on my mind and nothings sounding right, really im just trying to sort through my thoughts all the while wondering if im really alright.  You see, I go back and forth about that, im good untill I get stuck in my head. My head can be a scary thing, filled with harsh veiws of myself and the world mixed with odd hellish dreams. I feel if I tried to explain my thoughts to some, I mean to really explain and try sort through it all, that they'd probably just laugh at me n say im crazy. And crazy as I may or may not be.. I lost my train of thought

i'm angry
i'm upset
inside me there is a fiery pit
i don't know why
i want to be happy
i want to unclench my fists
let go of the anger
stop being so ******
but it's harder than it sounds
to change your persona
i'm angry all the time
maybe i could try to calm down just for a moment
i'm angry at the girl that copies the same format of my poems and gets more likes
i'm angry at the fact that they abandoned me
i'm angry at the world
and it's hard for me
for me to let go of the anger
walk in my shoes for just one day
see how it feels to be mad and have a smug look on your face
i don't mean it intentionally it just comes out
and before i know it i just want to scream and shout
shout at the people for being happy and having a good time outside
shout at the people that are care free and have a better life
shout at all of the things that are better than me
because i'm just an angry person you see
an angry person that will never change
because i don't have the drive and i'm just strange
strange and odd and stupid and angry and mean
maybe some day i'll be clean
be clean of all of the anger and the stuff bottled up inside
what happened to me that made me this way?
that made no one want to stay by my side
i'll go to some anger management
maybe they'll help me and fix me
and help me understand
understand why I am the way that I am

My mind begins to race
And i struggle to keep up with the chase
My imagination runs wild
But honestly im really tierd
Why cant my mind let me rest
Maybe it feels I need to process and digest
But you see, id have to disagree
Because I dont want to think about climbing a tree
Why cant my mind let me be
Id really like it right now if I were asleep

I don't do it for pleasure or
Frustration more, to those
******* I try to ignore, *****
About me behind my back
**** are you that bored.

**** if you wanted to know the
**** about me, the manure that
Goes though your mouth smells
Worse than your breath like you
**** that comes from orifice you
Call a mouth.

******* get a life, what ever makes
You happy ******* and leave me
Out your messed up life. That you
Choose to **** around with someone
Else's life, makes you a moaning
***** through out your life.

******* that should know better
Than to use that thing called a mouth,
******* get a life or I swear you'll
Hear worse than this come out my mouth.

How dare you do this to me?
Reopening the wound on my heart
That you had made there and
That I had to mend on my own

How dare you give me these careless words?
That make me feel so conflicted
That make me ache
That make me loose my sanity

How dare you force this door open?
When I thought I locked it down?

How dare you do this to me?
When I thought I was over you.

nights like these
when you recoil from my touch
revulsion scored deep
excuse dog-eared primed ready to go
at page 53

I fear  

that I will never again enjoy
the needful tender embrace
of a woman while I am sill able
to offer back anything less than chaste

and in some lugubrious future
if taken to task about some
or other transgression past
your accusatory “why?” requires one simple reply
“do you really need to ask?”