I watch her in the corner of my eyes
Often looks can lie
She is beautiful in so many ways
I could get high off her looks for days
She has blondish hair
Looks around the room without a care
I know people stare
They watch me to
There disgusted by what they think I do
They are not right
No conclusions should be drawn from sight
She has short hair
A look of dare
A face that says everything
Her voice is beautiful and rings
She stays there like a stone
Beautiful and alone
I yearn to speak to her
But I don't have the nerve
It's not a good time, nor place
But yet again I look at her face
I would never know what she was like
Again I am just a ****
A crushing hard ******
Nobody ever knows
They are all fantasy
Never reality
I've always made things bad
Made my girl sad
I am done trying
Never knowing what these girls keep seeing
I'm a moody *****
Half the time I want to go die in a ditch
I take pills every night
Drink until I see the morning light
What do they see
All I see is worthless me
Never meant much
My ex said don't talk such
She said I cause the pain
I say I'm just on the verge of going insane
And anyways half the girls I have liked have been straight
In the end I found it to be great
At that I roll my eyes
Every time a bit of me dies
An I love you
Then a babe do you know what I do
The sad truth
It still kills me
And makes me be
The ***** who's moody
Who nobody really sees
I cry at night
Am growing less acquainted with the light.
I am going back to dangerous ways
Cutting my wrists with a blade
Today it bleed all morning
That was fun to hide.
I went in the bathroom to wash it
Watched a girl stare horrified and just shrugged.
Nothing left to loose.
I don't really have anyone except maybe Em and a few others.
Gosh if she knew how much she helps.
I feel like I don't show her enough.
Enough emotion and change.
I know I hurt her.
If she ever reads this I want her to know that no I am not okay.
Yes I look up to you everyday.
You made me out down the knife.
You saved my life.
Multiple times you've showed me light.
You've talked me out of suicide late at night.
That means so much you don't have a clue,
Emily just how much I love you.

What a happy thought;
As I'm overwhelmed with fear as our plane shakes with turbulence left to right I suddenly hear the sweet sound of children giggling with joy, having no clue how high in the air we are or what the possibility of this could all mean.

I'll trade you my heavy heart for your fresh perspective

Lying here in this quaint room, with thoughts to roam as they please.
My body stuck with the need to move,
not wanting to stay grounded in the comfort of these sheets.
All winter I was content, in just letting things just be, but today, today, it's like a switch turned on in this body of mine, that is not used to this rush of life, for it is daylight savings time.
An awakening of the soul, from its dormant state.

The air smells like you
Like a bottle of givenchy
Cologne, except brand new.

Like the thought of me and you,
The thought of something actually being true.

I think back on that afternoon
Where we downed that whole
Bottle of cognac.

When you said the three words,
Your pronunciation so exact.

You saw all of me that day
And I admired all of your
Charismatic ways.

The lights were kept off
And I took in every bit of your
Neatly kept loft.

You'd said that I was the only
Girl you brought to your home
And for the first time,
I didn't feel alone.

And I remember all of what you said,
Every syllable, every vowel I clung on to,
Cause I always think back on that afternoon,
Praying that for the first time
What we have is actually true.

The gentle giant,
Furiously calming
With peaceful power,
Pushing forward, endlessly on
Frothing and abating
Against the blemished shore,
Wiping away the disaster
And washing it out for more.

A fresh beginning
A new lung full of air
A clear slate
A different set of eyes