Today I woke up,
and I realized,
that I hadn’t been sleeping,
and was grief paralyzed.

All that had happened,
all the ****** up nightmares,
all the loathing and anguish,
were all laid out and bare.

It took me a second,
to finally find my breath,
and when I did, I screamed,
and simply wished for death.

Take it away,
the agony that I feel,
I cannot bear this,
there’s no way to heal.

There was no answer,
as I lay on the ground.
No yes or no,
absolutely no sound.

I finally thought,
enough is enough.
I’ll fix it myself,
all the things I ****** up.

But before I do,
I’ll fix myself,
because you can’t fix what’s broken,
with something broken itself.

Today I start with me,
and I took a footstep.
One followed another,
even though I still wept.

I never looked back,
so I didn’t see,
what I left behind,
on the ground, was me.

Along the meadows the sun shone its bright colors, glorifying the beauty of nature. I knew I was right where I wanted to be. I knew the wind howling in the distance was a call from the birds who were ready for me to come outside and play. School was almost over and the kids were riding bikes along the paths of sunshine and yellow flowers. The sun woke me up that day and I knew that I was right where I needed to be. With the sun shining over me and the sound of the birds just waiting for me to come outside and play.

"Pain is weakness leaving the body."


- Evan Huang

Down a
forgotten lane
in a canyon of corn,
a blue ban calls new life to this
old world.

Gather
around the stall.
Don't let the foal's whiney
be an unanswered question to
live ears.

Shaky
legs held us all
when we were fresh and blind
Take pride in teaching to see a
new soul

a lukewarm promise uttered
beneath blankets
under covers

"I will" becomes "I won't"
a fading memory of don't
forget to try

creep back inside
deny it's absence
"never mind"

how slowly does a hope unfold
sheets as thin as angel hair
whose seams get used to growing old
and break the back of taking care

this time
cup with both your hollow palms
let them trace pathways
crave trails too tough to wander down

make maps of nooks and corners
crevices and borders
holding back floods
of handheld dams

begging
breathing

release

Have a petal from down the sun,
a lapis lazuli hue of the blue sky
and a breath of fresh air?
All these are in place so on so forth,
now head to the true north!

You’re going back,
stumbling into the day you said good-bye.
Tears, thick and fast
with soupy air to drag you down and no way out.

Fall is tumbling
into the rabbit hole you peeked into,
a gentle, knowing push…
a push nonetheless, sealed with a kiss.

Then winter seeps in,
brittle and thin, the unforgiving ticking
of a broken clock sleeping.
So you freeze, and time sleeps with you.

But winter breaks,
with sweet air filling my lungs.
Those traitorous sacks,
why didn’t you let me breathe in before?