I built a nest,
Thinking timing is best.
I painted a version of you,
Thinking it was the best I could do.
I carved a version of you,
Thinking it would turn a new you.

Though I loved all of you,
I was hoping, I was coping,
I was sinking, I was scuttling.
I was drowning in my mess,
But I was surviving for your flesh.

I was empty, but I was watering.
I did everything for you —
But was I the best?
My life was falling apart,
But I was there at your best.
Yet I wasn't enough for your nest.

You wanted your best.
You wanted the newness.
You wanted it easier —
The kind that comes without test.

I thought love was enough to make you stay.
I thought I was the one you cared for.
I thought I was the one you ever wanted.
But I was the imbecile, you say —
The kind you see in cinema.

But I would say
I'm the kind you read in literature.
Sylvia Plath is my inspiration.
Cinema may fade,
But her words will never erase.
Cinema seems so real,
But what she and I felt is surreal.

By: Zaima

(A realization of otherness)
Frenzied shaking has taken my soul
I am crushed by the burning of gold-brined teeth
My unclean lips draw back in a grimace
As I rest my head against the beam of
Some ragged torture device and get
Splinters driven into my constricting scalp
Take a spike and drive it through my temple
Into this piece of time-worn timber which
Is saturated with skin flakes from my victims

(The reception of the sacrament)
Shall I not raise my filth-clotted hands up to
This presence which is like smoke and fills
My lungs with the kind of fear true power brings?
Let there be flesh to envelop my quaking body
Let it be caught between my teeth and drape
My skin in a new raiment of priesthood
Let there be hematic torrents rushing down
To clean out the wounds and make them imperishable
To be better drink from well-dug cisterns

I pray to God before I go to sleep
My soul feels a certain way
That I can’t speak
I wanna scream but no one’s gonna hear me
I’m downin now but I spit that heat

Fallen brothers, to them I say “RIP”
Tricked from outer forces that we can’t see
I’m different from the others
But I’m still a sheep
My heads starting to hurt
I went to deep.

"You smell good!" 
They know your insecurities, you smell like food

"You can tell me anything, even your insecurities!" 
They will just judge you if you tell them anything

"Your hair smells really good."
They know your insecurities, you don't smell good

"You're really smart!" 
You aren't smart if you can't answer a single question and need to ask the teacher

"You're a really good artist!" 
Next step: "Can you teach me how to draw?/Can you draw me?"

"Your skin tone is really pretty!"
Your skin tone is normal/average

"You don't smell awful!" 
They are only feeding your bad habits

"You're pretty!"
Thank you, but what do you want from me?

Everybody just wants something in return, no matter the situation.

I'm so ******* tired of overthinking
I'm so tired of everything
It isn't fair
Am I just a narcissist?
Am I someone that isn't interesting at all?
Please tell me
I'm trying to change myself to be more acceptable
What can I do
To please you?
I'M TRYING
PLEASE ACCEPT THAT

It is tiring when I have to listen to someone I dislike rant to me everyday
I'm tired of crying
I'm tired from school
I'm tired of drawing
I'm tired from crocheting
I'm tired of everything
Except writing my own thoughts
Emotions
Emotions I can't even detect well enough for my own sanity
Yet the strongest ones are stressed
And tired

I'm trying to adapt to other people
Like I'm an alien from another planet
Everything feels so new
Yet I feel so old
And rusty
I feel so weird
Disgusting
Grimy
I don't take care of my body well
I torture it
I hate my low self-esteem
I hate it so much
I wish I was carefree
Just like my sister
I know this might just be a phase in life
But it feels like a phase of hell

Chúa ơi...
Just release me already
From this hell
I'm begging you

took a dive and hit the deep end again

oh, where did it all go wrong?
(where did it all go wrong?)

it’s hard to pinpoint, or start,
i caused so many problems

(i feel so hollow)

all i know is destruction is my adrenaline
and

i don’t want the high to ever end.

i don’t want to feel.
i don’t want to heal.

so give me the fix, and let’s pretend,

because all i’ve got is sink or swim,
survive, and hold on,

because this wire has frayed,
split apart

and took a nosedive
headfirst into the heart.

oh, where did it all go wrong?

i took a chance, now star-crossed

the fire in me, once strong,
sways and flickers,
before going dark.

oh, where did it all go wrong?

the wires are crossed,
the messages aren’t clear
and

habits die hard.

the question is whether i can quit this

or will i dive headfirst
into my own sins?

clouded by judgment, lost within,

can’t say i didn’t give my all.

i just find it easier
just to give in.