I will spill every drop of my pagan blood in burning my world to ash.

There will not be mass calamity,
For I am unimportant, typical—

I'm planning to commit a ******.

What will they have to say about me,
Reduced to dust and only partially remembered?
///
I'm fixing to die,
Highest spire of Reims Cathedral.

I'll miss the girls who drink themselves into dehydration (if the dead miss at all),
Stuck like pin cushions with medical stickers and needles...

But don't miss me, it's a lonely endeavor
And one I cannot advise.
///
For the lonely soul who once spit venom at me in a dream,

Pick yourself up from the wreckage of the parking garage.

Keep laughing at the patriarchy's agents of the night,

And find fame, love, honest devotion, anything you could hope for.

All lost upon me.

Not worth the time to worry over.
///
There's nothing inside me worth saving, I've decided.

I am to throw myself at the Leviathan and into the pit,

Rolling in the abyss and into the bottom.

I'm not about to waste one moment's effort on repentance,

There's a great revelation that I'm troubled with: drugs only cloud your judgment.
///
My connection to God in Heaven, all narcotic illusion.

I mean to be eulogized by the poetess of beautiful sorrow,

That her melted caramel eyes would lead me to the grave.

Be my priestess one last time,

Then let me down to rot.
///
Who will care for Gothic Architecture when I stain the edifice and hit the pavement?

For no one cared that I struggled like Sisyphus with my demons,

But will love me when I hit the ground with tremendous velocity behind me...

Vibrant girl in colors vivid and bright,

Teach me how to stay afloat.

I'm so deep in love it's like diving in the Mariana, everlasting.
I'm so high off him, it's like I'm intoxicated with every illegal substance.
I'm in so much trouble because I killed for him and I lied for him.
I'm so in love, and I like it.
I like the way he talks, I love the way he sings, I love his smile and I love every flaw.
But he has no flaws to me, our love diminishes flaws.
Never been intertwined before until his heart met with mines and I felt our souls attaching to one another.
The love grows deeper every day as our heart becomes more and more attached.
Deeper. *
Deeper.
Deeper.

Sigh. Not nice in Nice.

We live in a lifetime
that fears not dying from
illness or old age, but instead
from terror attacks.

A lifetime governed by fear.
What kind of life is that?

We live in a lifetime
that dying from the inevitable,
that dying from the formidable,
is a path we hope for.

A lifetime forced to fear.
What kind of life is that?

We live in a lifetime
that is continuously reminded of death
that stays shut up
that hobbies in fear
that losses dreams
that dreads.

What kind of life is that?
And seldom do we focus on what it is to live
And maybe it's beginning to look unavoidable?
Even still, sigh, I will continue to fight the fear.