i couldn’t find you.

i looked everywhere,
including the spot
you said to look.

a lifetime ago i might’ve
found you there
but not here,
not now.

Moon sailor, you watch pensively,
Hoping to catch sight of the evening moon
Lost at sea, your heart searches
for a lighthouse to guide you back home,
But clouds wash out your bones
As you make your abode in the sky....

....Dreaming

Sooner or later it was bound to happen.
I fell for you,
                     Again.
In a way I’m quite tired of this dance,
                Waltzing around,
         Spinning,             dipping,
   A two step.                     a  salsa.
         Rhythmic              sadness-
                   Tiptoeing love.
In a way I wish this love had never happened,
I know the impossibility for what I hope for.
Yet everyday I just wait for another song
In our ballroom of text messages and google docs,
The band plays a taunting song-
In the key of heartbreak,
And timed out to the tempo of our thoughts.
Even within our gala the other dancers snicker,
For I have no partner,
And your love is dancing with another.

love knows no bounds
when the logic retreats,
and a beating heart is found.

IA

Ancient forests
started on October 9th, 2020
revised on November 30th, 2020

Translation of a Chinese poem by **** Wei:
"I know no good way
to live and I can't
stop getting lost in my
thoughts, my ancient forests."

I think getting lost
in ancient forests
sounds lovely.

I get lost in my head
in old familiar battlefields
and imagined future apocalypses.

But an ancient forest
with cool, shaded layers of trees
doesn't sound so bad

I guess it is the lost part
that is the problem.
Maybe the ancient forests
wouldn't be so bad
if the poet knew where he was.

Feet touching the earth
anchoring this self
to this exact spot
the soul a beacon
to the world's gps system.

I am here.

I am not lost.

I am.

in storybook endings ,
the princesses
found their princes.
The valiant heroes
chases away all the dragons.
The lost would find
their way home.
And people would find
what they've lost.
But then, whatever happened
to those who fell in love
with the dragons instead?
The damsels,
who became too comfortable
with their own distress?

Crowded mall
Christmastime
Shopping feet all around
Carts fighting for prizes
At last
Perfect present found

Imagine being in a world where it seems like everyone belongs and you are lost. Imagine going through your day feeling numb because you are scared of putting yourself out to get hurt. Imagine putting on a fake smile and not being happy at all. Imagine being surrounded by people you call friends but you don't even like. Imagine faking happiness because it feels like you forgot to be happy. But then imagine finding someone who turns that all around. Imagine finding someone that genuinely puts a smile on your face. Imagine finding that one person you tell everything to. Imagine not having to fake it around that person. Imagine all the hurt that they have healed. And that's why I say thank you for giving me happiness again best friend.

I didnt know
How deep I was
Until you found
A piece of me
So lost
Even I didnt know
It existed