It's six am and the haze has settled in.
The teakettle dreams of fire,
and I wander the realms of unreality.
My clock dreams of going forward,
and I wish to turn it's gears back.
Alas,
Both their dreams are fulfilled.

I survive from the pain I've caused
but I'm thankful to be seize
with those memories
that I laugh with yours.

One day I’ll be sat next to you and we’ll have the car window down with music blaring way too loud as we drive under a sunset of lilac and cinnamon kisses with boxes in the back as we adventure on to the apartment we’ve just bought and that for the first couple of months we’ll probably struggle to afford.

But right now, we’re focused on decorating the rooms with succulents and picking out scented candles for the bathroom. Instead of unpacking for the first day or two we’ll keep the music blaring and dance with each other barefooted across the wooden floor and fall more and more in love with everything and starting a whole new life.

It is the thoughts like this that are still keeping me alive.

i felt the great lake in the summer time
i swam beneath her depths
her currents rushed beneath my feet
the upwelling water refreshed.
i knew the great lake in the winter time
i walked across frozen waves
i saw her ice and destruction
her chill took all i gave.
i never met her in October
when her shores were cooling down
the west winds glazed over her churning surface
surrounded by orange, then red, then brown.
the world around her was dying
but she was coming alive
excitedly, she slammed the pier
warning all to step aside.
sand whipped across the naked beach
but now my body was not bare
i was protected by an autumn sweater
and i learned from the springtime wear.
we rode our bikes through forest dunes
the sun snuck through the departing leaves
the last remnants of summertime fell to the ground
air whistled through the trees.
nothing can last forever
no matter how sweet, how pure, how true
there is a time when it ends and falls to the ground
and waits to become anew.
the lake must let go of her summer guests
and spend the winter alone
the trees must release what holds them down
and with freedom they may grow.
i sit here holding onto something i loved
even though it is no more.
my fingers still gripping onto the strings of the past
like waves afraid to leave the familiar shore.
maybe i can learn from the autumn lake
maybe i can be like the trees
maybe i can release what holds me down
and step out into the chilling breeze.
it scared me once to be alone
to face the world with no one by my side
but when i let the cold air hit my face
i felt a tingling sense of pride.
we cannot fear what we do not know
we cannot live if we do not let go
a seed is afraid to fall on the frozen ground
but in the springtime, she will grow.

I want you to look back to this time last year.
Think about how much progress you've made.
Things may not be perfect, but they are a lot better than they were.
Use that as motivation, to show you can and will get better.
It doesn't matter how slowly you move forward; just that you keep moving in the right direction.

I found myself
in song
tip toeing
on notes
bridged by lines
of memories
connected...  

I move with the eye
as it reads them
strums them
brings them to reality
and all I seem to be
doing to going
forward

Sometimes stepping
on familiar notes
"that's the chorus"
my mind says
"you know these steps like the back
of your hand"

and others
I find myself catching up
with the new tempo
as I spread my arms
to find my
new
balance

Hope has died,
of course I cried,
death is always sad,
puts you sobbing into bed...

But sometimes it can be good,
there are things that die should.
False hope is an evil,
while it's not the devil,
it still makes your mind rebel.

When false hope dies,
the heart gets a surprise:
A clarity of thought.

You've been fighting windmills for too long,
finally your heart can hear the gong.