i’ve always wondered
why it was so easy
for you to move on.

then i remembered,

when i was
moving out
of your heart,
lifting box after box
of clothes i own,
of items i bought,
outside your porch,
trying to take
everything i had left
— making sure i leave as little to no trace of me,

you were already
letting someone else in.

as i was cleaning out the pictures of us,
you were already replacing the frames with new ones.

as i was removing the covers of the bed, the sheets, the pillows,
you had a whole new set ready,
just waiting for me to leave.

as i was waiting for the cab to
pull through your driveway,
you were already expecting someone
coming your way.

and that’s how i knew.

Come over, I'll show you my world.
My world's designed to grasp self-worth
And to embed its purpose in my aging soul.
It's made to rotate and shift from light to dark,
another chance to redeem and to leave a mark.
A thousand heavens flock into one star
And the star smiles subtly at the dying heart.
Obsidian chains coil around the beating heart
and my world is choked but the star
keeps smiling and my world keeps going.
I give and sustain, it lives and maintains.
I will not die in vain because I am
ready for obsidian chains.

I think back to where my journey first began
I let behind those fields of grain.
Towards the endless everlasting world
that opened to me.

I know with this boiling hope brewing in me
I'll see the light of day!
Heading towards my destiny.
The one that I've ceaselessly searched for.

When the scent of hope arises
my nose just can't help but lead me.
As the scent leads to a vibrant, tasty reality.
A reality of hope, light, and prosperity.

Moving with my burning passion.
A new world full of bright opportunity.
Opening the gates of courage.
Closing old doors of stagnant, stinky fleas.

Looking back in my troubled days,
it's full of despair, and painful stakes.
But i just head towards the horizon.
It's just on the other side!

Because....

I've traveled far from where i first began.
And i know someday i'll find the land.
The place where my light grows and shines.

So there's never a need
to give up hope.
Don't drop down, do not mope.
Or you'll miss the endless season of the seas and skies.

So keep on following the winds and waves.
Know your passions.
Give them space.
So they can grow and expand in every way!

Keep a smile on that face.
Let your hopes breathe.
Open yourself to the sky.
There's no need to give up.

Because ....

No matter, whatever, or who you are.
The light of hope will take you far.
Keep imagination alive.
It will take you there.

To the land where you will shine.
You just have to use your mind.
No matter where you are.
Just look back where the journey first began.
You'll find the reason to move on!

Your lips pulled at mine
******* me forward
Your mouth a vortex
A vaccumn in the cavern
And somehow
I think I gave it light

The I.V. undulates momentarily with life before settling back into motionlessness, liquid still passing through smoothly, coolness flooding the vein.

Is that chill ever deep enough? The one I left with the last time my leg grazed the metal rests of a hospital bed.

Pain is limitless when the mind never rests, crisp white linen tucked thoughtfully around the outline of your sullen frame. Is it you? Or is it them? Who do you blame for the ache?

I remember years ago in a state like this, that I had wondered almost the same. However, back then I would've said, "surely it is you if I feel the sorrow." Now I think I may be to blame. I cradle my emotions like a colicky babe.

Once again a fool to a game that ceases to end, running in circles only to bite my own tail. The monitor hums.

Eyes grow heavy from the weight of obsession, mind on overload, sifting through piles of useless information and intense thought.

Wake up tomorrow to run another race, maybe we'll meet again one day. I'll see you at the finish line.

do not read this poem
it is not made for you
this poem is a secret untold
of a memory I rarely think of
that was resurrected today
and I am the only one who knows it
and this poem is for me alone

I was maybe 5 years old and I both
do and don't remember her falling
spilling out of the giant porch window
like a slippery black fish out of water
and I do and don't remember seeing blood
on the snow and sidewalk and the sound
first of the fall, then someone opening the door
and I didn't understand where she went
instead, I stayed with my grandmother
who told me it was my fault she jumped
she didn't love me any more and I was bad
that she wouldn't be back for me
and I believed it, of course, it made sense
some of us are just born wicked, I knew
I have always been wretched, inhumane
she said she first noticed the evil in me
when I was very little, behind my dead eyes
that it was always there inside of me
so I knew the only way to rid myself
of my own evil was to do the same thing
she had done, all those years ago
so I wrote a letter and labelled it
Do Not Read
the last letter I ever thought I'd have to write
and it's a sad sort of irony that I would be
paying homage to someone who hated me so
but the black fishes and spirits from beyond
never came for me, and I wondered if
the worst punishment of all would be
to continue to be haunted and survive
just as she had all those years ago

Trial, misfortune,
Bad days, bad luck,
Sometimes it seems,
We’re forever stuck.

No matter where we look,
There it is.
We can’t see past,  
So we settle in.

Our misfortune doesn’t vanish,
We can’t pretend it does,
But try to grow, not settle,
It’s possible because,
You aren’t stuck to your misfortune,
And it’s not stuck to you,
It might seem like forever,
But it is not glue.

We can move on,
We can let go,
We can break through,
Yes, we can grow.