you put me through hell, and expected me to be grateful for it.

"thank you" for tearing me down.

"thank you" for making me feel ***** for everything you did.

I prayed to God like I was guilty of your sin.

I still scrub my hands in scolding showers in all my attempts to feel clean again.

and to think I asked for your forgiveness for all the ways I tried to feel whole again.

go ahead and tell all your friends about how I am such a cold, unfeeling woman.

I've cut ties with everyone I used to call my friends.

the ones who said they loved me, but were nowhere to be found when I needed them.

well, the blind will follow the blind, and that's the way it has always been.

In hollowed halls I roam until the dawn
The minds and bodies are already done
I walk across my mind and not the room
Eaten by my thoughts of impending doom!
But there is a dwindling light from afar
It floats in my mind and falls in my heart

Mad girl wonders why
She recalls a lover's toes
Instead of his smile

Humming birds don't come
Around my house anymore
But it is April
So I sit by the window
And look outside in mad hope

Churning in, the way you spoke, it was intoxicating in this
                  violent way that,
                                                overall
   ­                was entrapping
and shook shivers down the spinal cord of
                                                                ­           my conscious

Big wolf,
                gaping jaws,
                                       drooling maw
                                                             ­   Why are you teeth around my throat?
May I pet your mane
in reverence, sleeping in my wake
                                                            ­  dissembled, disjointed, disappearing
Great beast,
                     claws of rusted iron,
                                                         teeth of glass
                                                           ­                      Why are you paws crushing my throat?
                                    Sickening sugary words! Doing
anything                    for love? for attention? for what?

Clutching, never letting go,
                                               devouring whole.