I think about our memories intermittently.


They still haunt me.

Especially the bad ones.


Thought about writing you another letter,

but the chances of you not reading it are high.


I've needed to give myself closure.


I did love you but it was wrong and I could never love you in the ways you wanted.


In those moments,

you were my best friend,

someone I counted on.


Now you're a distant memory,

a counterfeit mirage.



I've written about you,

I've talked about you,

and now it's time to forgive you.


Forgive you for what, you might ask.

Forgive you for breaking me to pieces.

Discarding me like one of your toys,

and acting like I never existed.


I forgive you, Claire.

I never thought it wise
To wear my heart on my sleeve.
So for me,
My heart will lie
Encased in ice,
Anchored to the bottom
of some unknown lake,
unmoved by even
the gentle waves,
where nothing will ever
again be at stake.
Just another
forgotten
unmarked
grave.

i look to a home uninvited
people scream, terrified
i ask them for shelter
they gather up weapons
rolled up papers, shoes, poison
they **** me to feel safe
i do not blame them

i look to a hive uninvited
bees buzz, angrilly
i ask them for shelter
they swarm around me
loud buzzing and overwhelming warmth
they **** me to protect their own
i do not blame them

i look to a tree uninvited
flowers open, interested
i ask them for shelter
they trap me within themselves
sickly sweet acid dissolves me
they **** me to pollinate
i do not blame them

i look to myself uninvited
my heart beats, unsteady
i ask it for forgiveness
it asks for the same in return
my head aches and my chest hurts
it killed me to survive
i do not blame myself

I’m sorry
if I’m a little lost
when the mind is free
the body follows at a cost
till you’re broke and can’t pay
the soul is stolen away
leaving the shell of a ghost

Forgive me
if I’m a little used
when you’re careless
you casually bruise
till you’ve bled no more
have no life to pour
the spirits withered
and abused

My apology
for being a mess
when what’s of value
becomes little to confess
when what you hold
is worth all the gold
and you give it up
for lentils or less

I'll give as much as I have taken.
It's my unqualified purpose
to set free

he may say
all is forgiven
but that does not
mean he should
be held to it

these days it means
about as much
as when he says
"i'm fine"

I wish apologies were rewinds
that could go back to that place in time.
& make everything alright.

To go back to that kiss,
In your arms,
And feel blanketed in your warmth...

But instead I think back to that point in time,
Where unfortunately there is no rewind.
Forgiveness is in my heart,
But it also remembers to tread lightly.
It makes me think.

Think about you.
Think about me.
Think about the way things used to be.

I wish apologies could take it all back,
but in reality there are no rewinds.
Thankfully,
Things continuously move forward.
Even with trepedity.

You try to reassemble the fragments of the trust you once had.
You collect the pieces without contaminating them with your anger, bitterness, callousness and discombobulation.

You console yourself with memories that aren't tainted with the hurt.
You try...

But you get weary and distant.

And you don't put much effort in the trust you're trying to rebuild.
Because why should you clean up a mess made by someone you love?

I'm a star and I'm alone
Waiting for Neptune to dream;
Plan and write it in scheme
I started small but I have since grown,
Yet the night sky still seems baron
An old lonely sun, I stand misunderstood
I wish there was a way in which I could;
Draw your face as a constellation

Let your fathomless eyes;
With sanguine perception
Illuminate my cold and rusty heart,
Light up the dark and deserted skies
Forgive all this star has done,
And lay at my feet a chance to rechart