When I watch you being a dad... I love you.
When I see you smile and laugh... I love you.
When I see the boys getting along and wanting your attention... I love you.
When I see you trying... I love you.

But there are also times when I feel stupid and hurt...

When you yell at us even though you know you shouldn't...
When you get upset for the kids being kids...
When you put them down with the words you say not even realizing that you're hurting them or me...
When you call me names...
When you forget to do things you say you will...
When you stop trying because I've stopped asking...

maybe i don't want to be fixed

if i'm fixed
i can still be used
and i'll have to keep going
keep fighting

but if i stay broken
maybe i'll be thrown out
and replaced
so others can move on
and i can
finally
rest

Not everything that is broken can be fixed.
Not all that is fixed was once broken.

The time that we spent crying for hours,
Wishing for a merciful death, instead of torture,

Waiting to be fixed, like we're broken toys.
Were we really that deluded? Was any of it real?

Are we that determined to be fixed that,
We surrender our joy for anger and despair?

Or are we in tears because we are being fixed,
Though we don't need to be.

We say we are broken, to be put back together.
Some need it, but most of us are not broken.

Most of us just need a hand,
For we are not broken, but simply cracked.

The leaky pipes that keeps me up at night
The constant snore
The distant cough
And the leaky pipe that keeps me up at night
The wind whispers
The vicious growl
And the leaky pipes that keeps me up at night.

-tossing and turning j.j.





The Moon, she laughs
Because
Even she knows
The **** pipes will never be fixed.

-untitled j.j

You enter my mind
As if you always belonged
And filth my thoughts pretending to be kind
It was forever ago and I have to move beyond
But what you did is everlasting
Stained my soul with hate
But I am not collapsing
You were not my fate
Just a speed bump along the way.

You tried fixing him,
far from what it should be.
But every bits of your love,
filled the void of his scars.
And once he was completely healed,
leaving you with nothing but bitter goodbye.

You don't have anyone to rely on,
and the sadness you took away from him,
became your lingering regret and it broke you instead.