Don’t you know I love you so much. I don't know who I am or what to do without you. I need you like a fish needs water or a horse needs the wide open fields.
How could you not love me anymore? You said you'd love me forever? Did you lie? Are you going to love someone else as you've loved me? A person who is not me? I feel like I want to die but don't know how to get there. Is this what you wanted? Are you proud of yourself? How could you not let me in? How could you talk about this with your entire family and not me? What do they know? That I don't? Is my love for you not enough to keep you?
Was forever a lie? Am I not enough? Who am I? Who are you? We're all those years worthless? How can you not love me?
Was begging you/screaming at you to love me not humiliating enough? I never thought I would beg someone let alone my person to love me, to want me, to need me, to be with me, to laugh with me, to run into forever with me.

How could you? How could you leave me behind, did you think everything was going to be fine? Do you care? Do you care that I'm dying, wasting away to nothing, like feathers in the wind, like dust in the sun.

What will you do when I am gone? Thinking your way into oblivion. Repeatedly saying you don't know if love, the innate feelings are there. What does that mean? In a blip in a flash everything has vanished. I just want you to love me, is that too much to ask? How tragic this question that is circling round and round in my brain. I feel like I'm going to fall through space and time into a black hole. But this would be less crushing then what you are doing to me
I want to scream until my lungs bleed until my eyes melt until I am crawling out of my skin. I didn't know pain could feel like this, I didn't know emotions could be this way, I didn't know you could do this to me. No one could besides you.
Are you enjoying this? Are you gallivanting along with your family, are you proud of yourself? Our lives, my life is ruined, in shambles, in tatters. Will you hold this up as a triumph and show those in the crowd.

Will you move on as if nothing happened, unchanged, stoic, ever the logical one, cold, unfeeling, unmoving...while I pound my fists until blood runs down you like stone.
But one day I will die and so will you. You are the only one for me, so I hope that day comes soon

Did I look away and you turned into one of your machines? Do you love machines more than you loved me? Did you love me at all?
Will you make a life with someone else? Tell her all the things we held dear? Will you hold her close, love her more the you loved me? Will you have a family? Build a life? Make all the memories I thought were mine, were ours, were us.

Do you hold your family above me? I didn’t realize we were competing? Was I always second best? Was I always behind? Did I use up all the alotted tick marks? Did my time run out? Were you always looking at the clock and I didn’t know we were racing?

Did you view me as you viewed your swimming career? Up and down and up and down, breath hold, hold it all in, explosion? Completion? A win?

I didn’t know we were on a timeline, were we always racing towards something? Were we not enjoying our lives, our time, our love? Were you not enjoying the journey with me? Were you not in the moment, did you not enjoy just being, just existing, just loving. Just loving me, loving us, loving each other.

Am I in a stagnant state now? Waiting for you to decide to love me, to come back to me, to be with me? Am I a robot that you will turn on if you decide to come back? Or a piece of scrap metal on the factory floor? What do you mean you don’t know how you’ll feel in a couple months? Am I waiting for your love if it ever existed at all. How could you not want me, how could you not pick me? I thought we were stronger than this? I thought we had everything? I thought we had forever. But I guess we had nothing at all

How pathetic am I? How idiotic? How stupid! Waiting like an animal, like a ****** who wants its next fix? Next high? Waiting for your voice, for your call, just to make it through the day, the minute the second. Do they call it chasing the dragon? Chasing chasing chasing … the dragon, until it, until you, turn around and burn me alive? If you turn around at all.
But it’s worse if you don’t turn, if you don’t turn I’ll be left in the dark, alone, in the cold, just to fall, fall, fall into the abyss
I need to be burned, I need to be burned away, burned away to nothing.
Which is how you got rid of me, you got rid of me like it was nothing, we were nothing, I was nothing

I want to cry, I want to scream, I want to yell, I want you to come back, come back, come back, come back to me! I want to hold you, I want to dig myself inside of you, I want you to never let me go. How could you leave me? How could you turn away? Am I nothing? Who am I? Who are you? Who are we?

Who was I? Who were you? What were we?
Just a childhood memory?

Were we ever us?
I thought we had eternity

I Love You
Did you love me too?

I remember when
You wrote me a poem

I was sitting on the window sill
It was morning
You held out a piece of paper
And you read it out loud
Your voice shaking
With such sincerity
You couldn’t hold it in

I remember the warm sun
that shone onto the city
And the room we were in
that held the words you spoke to me

Everything about that day
Is forever engraved in my memory
And thank god for that

Because I remember the night before
The lamp above the kitchen table
The night we both knew we had
Found each other from another  
Lifetime, in the way our hearts beat together
and our breaths had synched


I wish I still had your poem
Never thought I’d had to think about keeping it
It’s crazy the things pain makes you do
But now that I feel better
I wish I could remember you

How did i not know?
You weren't feeling okay.
You were feeling low,
Your world was probably gray.

I don't want to lose a part of me.
You're also my heart, you know?
Can't we go back to how we used to be?
I have loved you since hello.

I don't hate you.
After all that we went through,
I never hated you.
—I thought I could never hate you.

But then again,
I thought I knew you.

I thought you were that sweet, selfless guy,
the guy that cared about me more than anything,
who said he'd never hurt me.
Who told me he loved me.

But if you really cared about me more than anything,
and loved me as much as you claimed you did,
then you wouldn't have hurt me like you did now.

I wouldn't be sitting here
with tears streaming down my face,
writing these poems to get out the feelings
I otherwise bury inside.

I could never hate the boy I thought you were.
But you're not that boy at all,
at least, not anymore.

When I started my MBA
I was looking forward to making new friends
And of course, excelling in academics
And thus redeeming myself
After my Engineering debacle
However, it never occurred to me
That I would fall in love
For the first time in my life
You changed everything
Right from our second meeting
I was drawn towards you
You were very shy
But in a good way
And of course, extremely sweet-natured
The kind of person who wouldn't hurt a fly
Though you didn't know much Tamil
In spite of being a Tamilian
Your English more than made up for that
You didn't speak a lot
However, when you did speak
You were able to articulate your thoughts exceedingly well
And though we never had a detailed conversation
Apart from our debate on the movie "Ra One"
It was always a pleasure to interact with you
And of course, listen to your captivating voice
Last but not the least
Your handwriting was so exquisite
That it had the capability
To transform the dullest subject
Into an extremely fascinating one
Anyway, I truly loved you
But I couldn't muster the courage
To ask you out
However, I don't have any regrets whatsoever
And regardless of where you are currently
I hope you are having the time of your life
Just one last thing
I am utterly gobsmacked
That you knew all along
Something that I could never guess
From the way you spoke to me
Or behaved with me in general
You are indeed an incredible lady
And I hope you remain the way you are
Because the world needs more people like you

you are a lover of
the night

you see
what the day is
too shy to reveal

You may not remember me
As it has been ages
Since we last spoke
However, I probably won't be able to forget you
Right from the moment we met
I was drawn to you like a magnet
You were shy to a fault
And extremely sweet-natured
As I got to know you better
It didn't matter to me
That though you were a Tamilian
You spoke only in English
Because you were a great listener
And when you did speak
You were able to articulate your thoughts
Better than almost everyone in our college
Your mere presence was enough
To ensure that I didn't miss a single class
Except when my health was down
It is often said
That people lose focus
After falling in love
However, on the contrary
Thanks to you, I was able to develop extra focus
And achieve better grades
You inspired me
In a way that no one could have done
We once had a debate
On a rather forgettable movie
It didn't matter that our views were different
What mattered was your energy and intensity
And that fact that you took time out
To debate with a person whom you didn't know very well
You even taught me some tax calculations
Of course, it was a case of unrequited love
But totally worth it
And what was even better
Was the fact that you had known all along
And yet didn't shy away from talking to me
You really are one of a kind
As I mentioned earlier , I will never forget you