Nahulog sa unang pagkakataon
Saya ang tanging nararamdaman
Sabik sa bawat araw na dumarating
Nagaabang sa iyong pagdating

Kaba ang dumadaloy saakin
Pag akoy iyong nahuling nakatingin
Bigla akong na papraning
Hindi malaman kung ano ang gagawin

Ganito ang aking nararamdaman
Ang mahulog sa unang pagkakataon
Saya at kaba ang tanging kasama sama
Dahil hindi kayang ipagtapat saiyo sinta

Dahil mas masaya
Ang ganitong nadarama
Nang di ka lumayo at mawala
Baka magdulot lamang ng lungkot sa mata

we counted the lady bugs
& sang to the trees
i love you, you love me
the night was ours
& we held the stars
in our palms
the clovers stained
our hands green.

the beat to our dance
thrived in our feet
spring was the harmony
melody in buttercups
round & round, song
in our lungs.

a dose of summer
reddened our skin,
quickened the pulse
night of lady bugs
faint memory
in blackened mind.

I saw someone fall in love again.
Said his heart danced
to a different beats-per-minute than before.
It smelled of pressed jasmine and maturity
compared to cotton candy kisses and butterfly wings.

I asked why does he keep comparing?

He said
The first love's immaturity is a gate
To the next one's finesse.

first love seems so real

second's just for fun

third love's quite the prettiest

(fourth never sees the sun)

i'm your weakness,
your own personal drug.
I'm your high,
You're my low.

my only fear is that
there will be too much
in my system,
and they will find every
trace of you.
lingering through the veins
of complications that we
both once knew.
since my body won’t
absorb all of you,
the high will consume me,
ease the pain
then release various endorphins
that i forgot i had made.
it will fill me with
would be’s, should be’s, and could be’s.
then leave me on the ground, flat lined.
constantly reminding,
that the only reason you are not here
is because of me.

Soon I'll be far away again
the lapping shores the only thing keeping me from you
but you should know that I would swim oceans for you
even if it was just to see a glimpse of those blue mischievous  eyes
always the most beautiful in the setting city sun
How will I live knowing I won't awake with you entwined around me?

Where do the hours go?
With you I'm always losing track of time
I'm at your whim
Have I ever told you that I'm crazy?
That I'm a little bit deranged?

Baby
I'm losing my mind
Sweetheart
It's something about the way you laugh at stupid things
and make jokes just to hear a room beat with laughter
Your voice turns to a hum when I look at you sometimes
realizations like lighting striking me when you fall asleep
arm across my stomach like you're afraid I'll leave
because I've told you before how I learned from my mother how to run
and I'd been doing it ever since I realized boys stared at my waist
not ever listening to my words as I try to explain myself
****** hands hidden behind my back like a broken vase

My father told me that I was too beautiful for my own good
eyes alive  like the sky  at dawn the first morning you didn't sleep
hair wild as I slow down to look at the view
and he always got angry when I did that
stopped dead to stare at the fading pink light of a day coming to an end
You don't get angry
you  just stop and look at me with the same gaze I give that setting sun
and I swear
out of the corner of my misted eyes I see you smile
run your fingers through your hair as you wonder what I'm thinking
and I've always been afraid
afraid  that in the moments I spend with you that you realize
that you see that I'm thinking of one thing only
you
and I stare at the street lamps far below a little longer
tempting you to find out how much I really love you
to come closer and ask me what runs through my aching heart
but you  keep your distance
I wonder if you just know that later when my speech is clouded I'll say it
as I always do in the early hours of the morning
smoking out my deepest secret like trying to coax a ghost

I wish your lips weren't so protective
holding in lovesick notes even when drinking the clearest false securities
and she wants us to go far away
and when you express how fond you are of her company she looks down
everyday I see her I realize how similar we are
twin stories of mismatched fears and wanderlust
does she know about the way I claw at your skin as if looking for a way in
bruised ribcage under lust stained sheets
she used to eye me like I was a panther inching closer
irises daring her kin to set me off
but I'm no time bomb
and I think she sees that now

I'll always remember the time I realized I loved you
the first time, at least
it was too quick to know
and I was far too invested as you watched me glare at you past branches
only to fall asleep with my hair tangled in your fingers hours later
does time pass differently to you when I'm asleep next to your waist?
fluttering eylashes onto your knees like tiny dancers
I wonder if you ever notice the soft skin peaking under my shirt and sigh
thinking about how you'd long to slowly take off my clothes in the dark
teeth hitting bare skin of my collarbone as if I'm prey you've finally caught

I think of endings a year in advance
I always have, as if everything is terminal the second I say "I love you"
maybe that's why I don't say it
maybe I just assume with every lost memory I discover like a shipwreck
and ever passing whisper I recall
you see how entranced I am
my whole existence has bits of you like gems within it
or possibly they all encompassed you already
and the paint hadn't chipped enough to reveal you yet

When you're sad you sing songs to me about Venice
and the way your mother used to wear her hair to her shoulders
orange milky light stained every window like melted gelato
and you wondered if you'd ever find a girl who's heart was Murano
all lit up in the night like a summer sweet dream
when the air is hot and everyone's cheeks are a little red
their hair curly from the salty spray of the sea
you'd mark her neck until it looked winestained

but you appear  so sad when you tell me these stories
a faraway look in your vacant mind

I could be your merlot skinned girl
I can have eyes like the italian hills
rolling into the horizon
always having you search for the tallest one
Let me be your Venice
Let me be your home