The light above me flickers and scares forcing  my reflection to changes and distort
Your bleeding into my thoughts
My own horror show but you perform
Shakily, I push into the wall, trying to find some kind of balance within
Your nails dig, rip and shred my skin
3 years on, we don’t talk anymore but your still present. Like a demonic possession where I may need an exorcism  
                                                  ……….­.      
I know you saw me when I was 17, I was a mean beauty queen with my life torn at the seams
Still, you thought there was something about me
I was captured in your eyes your hand reached into my chest to grab my heart
There was no one else who wanted me quite like you did from the start
But I knew you could tear me apart
For an entire summer you became the feeling of loneliness that felt so similar, corruption and destruction I knew so well
For you I fell
She’s going to **** me but the night we kissed I didn’t see you resisting me
While she rested peacefully unknowingly with you on my lips  
                                                 ……….
Your in and out of my life, your never a consistent ghost
I don’t know why you like haunting me the most
Obsession and a dangerous lust was all we ever knew
You said if you weren’t with her you would be with me
*******
You made your choice now live with it
I gave you countless chances
How about the night you told me you loved me when I was in a relationship  
Then you forget about me like a nightmare clothed in deceit
Four years of being your slave and praying your love will set me free from these chains you bound me in
But you stayed on that throne while I bled for you on the floor
A master of the lying game, a king of heartbreaks
I wanted to be your reality, your truth from all the fakes
But you wanted me to be your Sasha Grey instead
While your girlfriend sleeps in your bed
I was a ***** little secret you never wanted to tell
One of the many ****** you condemned to hell
Still, I would had done anything for you
Because your kiss rendered true
                               ………….

I’m glad we don’t talk anymore, honestly, I couldn’t take it
The phone call when I was twenty years old confessing my love for you, I was the only one who said it
You ran away and hid, didn’t come back until you were ready
To use me yet again
My mind became your playroom, chain me, spit on me, abuse me, choke me, use me but never love me….. how could you?
When I didn’t even know my own value
I ran to you countless of times because your malevolence felt like my childhood home
The way you would play with my heart was incredibly low
You knew what you were really doing inside
Like Satan preying on the catholic girl in the church
Burning the rosary of passion into my skin to hurt, you laughed at the pain  
But no, we don’t talk anymore and thank god
                             ………..
It amazes me but you still have the power to burn inside me
My body wanting to reject your entity
Depraved, obscene, revolting, my first love when I was 17
My mouth opens wide, twisted searing hot liquid rides
Straight out of my mouth, back to the hell where you come from
I plead, like that poor catholic girl trying to escape your grasp
“Please let me go, don’t haunt me anymore”
But I can feel your hand inside, pulling my words down, I bite, I chew, I tear, I gnarl
I steady myself before I feel them rise up
I start to feel the burn I move away and turn
You stand before me in the doorway, I don’t want to hear what you have to say
“Tell me you loved me once and I will believe you”,
**** surrounds me as you inhale, you ignore everything I say, you just stand there in a daze.
I nod and realise, it’s me who never let you go, not the other way around
“I don’t want you here anymore, understand? You’re the past I no longer want, your not even a real man, you’re the ghost who just likes to haunt for fun to keep his game playing, you will not take me back down to hell with you”,
I stand, breathing heavy
I feel him slipping away from me
If it was that easy I would had done that years ago
But I guess I wasn’t ready back then to let you go
I’m glad we don’t talk anymore, sorry, but I am

there was something about the sun
that made me think of you.
it could be the glow of your eyes,
or the heat of your skin,
or the warmth of your gaze when
you look at certain things.
the sun also hurt.
it was too hot to touch and it
burned you if you were in it's
presence for too long.
you burned me.
you burned my skin and my
heart and my soul.
you make my eyes sting with
tears when i look at you for too
long.
you are so much like the sun,
beautiful. but dangerous

My life before I met you was just simply dull. I never ever felt any emotions. I couldnt feel happiness, I couldnt feel sadness. I didnt even have any emotional relationships with people. Like I knew I should love my family or some friends. And I said I did. I just couldnt feel it. It was just a word for me and I thougt that's normal because I never knew anything other.
Everything changed when I met you. And by everything I mean my whole life, soul,thinking,feeling,talking,moving,dreaming,breathing. There wasnt a single part of my existence that didnt change.
I started feeling things Ive never felt before.
I started seeing things Ive never seen before.

When I was with you I often realized that I feel like Im in a movie. In a really, really beautiful movie.
Everytime we went to bed I never fell asleep before you and then I just stared at your beautiful face sleeping and your beautiful chest moving while you were breathing.
And every morning I woke up earlier just to look at you a bit longer.
When we were waiting for the tram in streets of your beautiful hometown Prague, I looked at you again and I remember my thoughts till this day. "How ******* lucky am I to call you mine. How did I ever deserve you? And also how lucky I am that you are also a lesbian."

Since I met you... I strated crying.
I never really cried before.
Do you remember the first time you played the guitar for me? How my tears just started falling?
I dont really know why but I think that was the moment I fell in love with you. Cause I didnt know that feeling and I didnt know how to express or let out my emotions, so I just started crying.
And then usually tears started falling while your body was joined with mine... or when we were saying goodbye...

It feels like my life just started when I met you.

And that was how I knew I was madly, madly in love with you girl.

Just tell me.. What should I do to numb the pain that has fully outgrown through my whole body.... Just tell me what to do... Cause I dont know what to do anymore. Everything seems just pointless without you. And I know I can have you back. Or can I? Well for sure not right now.   I've been really unwell since you left...   Now this time, it has been a year. A whole ******* year since you told me you need to be alone, A year since you broke my whole ******* heart A year since I almost died in your bathroom and you saved my life A year since I last heard your voice A year since I last kissed you A year since we made love A year since I told you I fell completely in love with you A year since I first met your family and you met mine A year since you were the most beautiful surprise out of all on my birthday A year since you played a last song on the guitar for me A year since I was crying when I had to say goodbye to you and wait a whole week to see you again A year since I felt like my life couldn't get any better A year since I drank alcohol and felt joy instead drowning in the sadness for your absence A year since I started writing a beautiful, happy, loveful poetry A year since I truly felt any kind of emotions for the first time...   And after this whole ******* year I still crave for you. After all this whole ******* year I still love you.

i waited
i fought
i chased
for the things that would never stay
like the love i held for you
i was like all the guys in movies,
chasing after the girl
desperately hoping
for another chance
but you boarded the plane
and so did my hope
in ever finding you again
-k.j.c

What if we lived in the same town?
What would happen then?

I picture you in your black coat,
Wishing you never left.

Throat closing, waving from across the street
Heartbroken, you still got a piece of me.

I tiptoed alone to your wooden room
I felt you changing in an afternoon

We left it open
Kept the pages clean

I never wanted to let you go
I still see you coming home.

I held my breath on the river
We were supposed to be good

You were trapped in the darkness
I wanted to help you get out of that mess.

My suitcase was heavier than I thought it'd be

I looked back
and felt tears falling.

From this side  I can hold it better now.
You were wrong
You were right...

I still see you coming home

It has been more then six months since we broke up,
I mean since you broke up with me.

And during those six months there still hasn't been a day I didn't think about you. Everything still reminds me of you.

Every single bird that flies by.
Every song I hear, all the words appeal to you.
Every new place I discover,  I wish I would discover it with you.
Every great new person I meet, I wish you could get to know them too.
Every new painting I make,  I want to show and explain it to you.
Only you.
Always only you.

-Tereza Balatkova

Every once in a while
memories come floating by.

I find myself breaking like a fragile glass. Although I sometimes think I'm over us.

And then I ask myself if I'll ever be.
I have to say it sounds impossible to me.
I don't want to hurt you, I'm just keeping it real.

Will I ever be able to love someone again?
Love someone the way I loved you?

I'm not sure if that's only a dream that won't ever come true.

-Tereza Balatkova