There’s something about a first love

They are the ones that will give you the sweet first taste of love
and all the butterflies and chills that swing along with it

The first of many that you will be vulnerable to
but the only one that will never lose your heart

I fear for a day where I will no longer feel love towards this old friend of mine
but I fear more that it will never stop

Anger and sorrow and missing the one who refuses to detach from your mind
will cause a war within yourself
and a heartbreak only you could ever know

Situations like these you may find yourself looking for a solution in places or people
that cannot fill the void forever

You may try to medicate yourself with poison
but when the high is over, the lows creep back around
and dance in your mind till you cant cope with the pressure of the rhythm they dance to.

My pillow is soaked and my lips are salty

A long hard stare in the mirror and puffy red eyes and burning hot cheeks
leave me with nothing less than hate for the one whos made me appear this way

**** love.

I was the one who took your ******* and I was the one always there
I loved you when you gave me a thousand reasons not to

I want to say no fair, but I was the one who took your *******,
and I was the one who loved and forgave you when I knew I shouldn’t have

My bad

But you see, there's something about a first love

He was never going to change
and deep down I knew that

I was stuck on the good memories
though the construction of those have came to a halt

I made myself vulnerable
and opened my heart to someone who never intended on keeping it safe.

One day, however, I will find myself freed from the madness and aching
and his image in my mind won't be so tense

And I will recover with the only medicine I ever needed,
self worth.

you make me wish
i could stretch the seconds flat
so that my time with you can last forever.

we don’t know if we’ll still
hold each other close every morning
or have each other to lean on
years from now.

years
a year
weeks
a second

we might last forever
or we might become memories we ponder
when we reach a forever without each other.

but i will try
i will try to grasp your hand
as tightly as i can
as we approach the time ahead.

and even though we might not have a lifetime,
let us try to make it through what time has in store.
and if we don’t end  together
i pray that we can still glance at each other
from miles apart and still smile
at something that made
us dream about the slightest possibility
of a forever.

Even if you have forgotten me, I will spend days thinking of you.

Even after our separation, the love I have for you will never fade.

Its been you since the start and it will always be you till the end.

-N
@hijabi.with.lost.thoughts

I do come back
in dreams, lies
and broken down deja vu,
only I can't
find my way back to you.

I can't sneak out the old window,
I can't wait for the bus.
I can't write you letters.
I can't keep thinking of us.

How are you doing today?
I miss hearing your stories.
I miss hearing your laugh.
I miss being Eleanor.

I miss putting my hands all over you.
I miss putting my lips on your parts
And when I blow
You you let out the sweetest sounds.
Your curves are just perfect.
Even the way your body glistens in the light is beautiful.
There isn’t any others like you.

You are broken now.
Many years of neglect.
You’re drying up and it’s my fault.
You don’t hold up like you used to.

I’ll love you again
And I will fix you.

I miss you
My sweet little saxophone ❤️

Why do i put so much hope in some things?
Why do i feel and care so much for some people?

I'm so stupid. Stupid, stupid stupid.
How could i ever believe that you may like me?
How could i ever believe that these moments between us
were special to you like they were to me?
That they brighten up your heart like they did to mine?

These days, I'm so exhausted and sad that i started not to care
about anything and anyone anymore.
The only thing i can't stop is my mind and my thoughts about you,
while you didn't even think about me once.
I hate this world, i hate this universe, i even hate myself.
I hate me for not appreciating you so much earlier,
I hate me for being so blind.

You treated me like i'm the most precious human out there,
you made me feel alive again you made me love you. No.
You made me realize that there was always something.
That i always had loved you, but i didn't realized it.
Until you hold my hand.
Sometimes I still can feel your hand in mine, the warm
embrace which made me feel safe.
Which made my heart stop for a second.

This was one of the most precious moments i've ever had
and oh hell it makes me so sad.
Am i the only one who felt this connection between us?
Do you care for me like i do for you?
Or did i put my hopes too high again?

I just need a sign, a little sign.
Should i fight for you, for us?
Or should i give up everything?

Yet i feel so lonely. This feeling is slowly killing me.
I'm alone with this, nobody would understand it.
So i'm sitting here alone, thinking about you and waiting
for the night to come.

I will look up to the starry nightsky, i will think about you and i will know that you're under the same sky like me.

i will hope that you maybe are
looking at the stars as well, that you think about me too, just for a second.