i deleted him
finally
after a whole year of agony
i deleted our texts
i deleted our pictures
i deleted his contact

i wish i could delete the memory of him
i wish i could delete the moments with him
i wish i could forget how safe i felt with him
i haven’t felt safe in a long time

when i swiped left
to delete our texts
something broke inside of me
and he was the one person i wanted to see in that moment

going through our pictures
hurt something different

and deleting his contact
i think i might’ve screamed
cuz it hit me
he’s really not coming back

apparently he misses me
i wish he would’ve told me before it was too late
but i’m proud of him for keeping no contact
i know it was hard for him too

i’m not angry at him anymore
just hurt
life is magically terrible
love is wonderfully painful

he’s not coming back
but i think im finally ok with that

all my friends are falling in love
and guys are falling for them
they’re all asking when i will
even my guys friends ask questions

they ask how im still single
cuz “respectfully you’re pretty
if i didn’t see you as a sister,
i’d totally fall for you”

it’s a weird thing to say
but i think it’s sweet
it’s reassuring
knowing that maybe there’s nothing actually wrong with me

maybe God is making me wait
i mean i’m horrible at patience
but then i remember
that little thing He whispered to me

He has that perfect guy planned for me
and tho he has a girlfriend now
he’s gonna realize it’s meant to be me

i know i sound crazy
but i kinda like crazy

do you remember,
the day we first met,
you wore a stubborn face,

do you remember,
how we would talk and joke,
we were inseperable,

do you remember
when i held your hand
as tears streamed past your face,
eyes filled with grief,

do you remember
when you told me that
nothing will bring us apart?
i laughed,
we were so young,


oh but only if you,


r  e m e m b e r e d


but you do remember,
glowing eyes,
and a faint smile,

an extended hand,
long evenings by the pool,
echoing laughs,

but you do remember,
what should have been
a happy memory,
ended so tragically,

when you should have been,
blowing out the candles,
you were paying your respects,
at my funeral

do you remember,
as i took one last breath,
and i told you that this wasn't,
the end

did i not tell you,
that i would come back?

i've been through this before,
but this time it's not the same,
this time i can't let go

you've changed,
but not your eyes,
you've changed,
and it breaks my heart,

but when the world forgot,
when i became just a name,
you remembered.



maybe in another lifetime,
if only i had been lucky in this life,

you could have been mine,



f o r e v e r

I painted his nails hot pink,
called it a joke,
but we both held on
too long.

He hummed my favorite song,
two notes behind,
like catching up
was close enough.

He carried me upstairs once —
said I was light.
I believed him.

The polish chipped.
We didn’t.

Now,
he’s a voice
I scroll past,

and somewhere,
a pair of chipped pink nails
he never scrubbed off

You crafted a shrine for me,

adorned me with wings,

elevated and sacred, untouched by your secrets.

Your last chance at redemption,

a sanctuary where you hid from yourself.

Your perfect lie—

an illusion of salvation.

Once shattered, your adoration

twisted into disdain.

The hand that shaped my wings,

became the force that broke them.

And now, you watch me fall

from the heights you once placed me upon.


Yet I release you, I forgive you,

Love, a quiet thread that ties us still,

A spark woven into the fabric of time,

Never truly gone, but transformed,

gently fading

into the glow of what we were.

I return sometimes to those moments,

not with longing, but with reverence—

like that stolen kiss—

unexpected, breathless,

the words "I love you" spilling from me,

uncontainable, truthful,

your arms, holding me,

an electric hum between us.



This is how I'll hold us—

in the warmth of what we were,

not in the sorrow that followed.

When you remember me,

let it be the quiet depth of my love that remains,

the warmth of my hand resting softly on your

cheek,

the steady, unwavering gaze that held you,

unchanged by time.

Let that be what stays with you—

not the deafening silence that followed,

not the weight of what we lost,

but the light that we held, even just for a moment,

so close to perfect but fragile.

Not perfect enough.

it’s your birthday.
once, I swore I’d never forget —
yet, it just appeared on my feed,
when it used to linger
quietly in my head.

you have a family, children, a wife.
time ran off, and left no trace —
am I allowed to wonder at your life?

those strolls under the moonlight,
the midnight dates –
it’s now her looking at the sky
as the stars cascade.

your memory rests where it used to burn —
quiet, soft, asking no return.

First love,

These words, unspoken and raw,

years pass, yet your shadow lingers,

etched into the sound of a worn vinyl record.

There is a place in our minds,

Where it plays in your living room,

Endlessly, since the night we fell.

I recall the verse of the song you played,

a fragile confession of why you are broken,

while you kept parts of yourself hidden,

guarding a truth that’s too painful to own.

That sacred moment,

a scar that whispers secrets,

too brittle to survive.



Now I wander through hallways of our past,

your green eyes,

piercing the hollow spaces of memory,

haunting me with the weight of what was lost.

The bitter burn of whiskey,

the residue of regret,

these remain,

reminders of the words you never spoke,

the ones I needed to heal.

We shattered.

Not with screams
just silence.
Not by luck
just choice.

One that was everything,
But my own

Pieces everywhere,
Sharp edges I didn’t know how to hold.

I reach for something whole,
But all that’s left is fracture

Not even anger
just empty

Longing for what was

A space where we used to be.

That’s the hardest part,
Knowing it’s over.

But not feeling
as though it’s

done

It still hurts.
Your memory’s radioactive.
It’s no use thinking about
how much I lost
as the script of my life kept rolling.

You caught me as I fell,
I was searching for a way out,
and found you instead.
But reaching for you
only pulled me deeper down.

Looking back is hard.
Toxic dust I breathed in,
a chemical romance
that burned through my lungs,
your atmosphere seeping into everything.

Maybe fate turned kinder
the moment I left.
what I might have become
is folded quiet, neatly kept.

But it still stings.
Not the loss—the time I can’t reclaim.
You weren’t a lesson.
You were a delay.

So take the version of me
you once believed.
I won’t ask fate for mercy,
nor beg time to rewind.
I’m done with your ghosts
that never tried.