Anticipation
I felt it as we stared into each other's eyes.
You weren't done with me.
I loved it.
Around we went, on a stair we sat side by side
Heart racing I looked at you
Magnetism
Lips collided
Short
Sweet
Bliss
You took my breath away
Mind fuzzy
I was a goner
Fast forward a month
To a stolen moment in time
Flustered indeed I paced around anxiously
Enjoying every second of it
I wished I could embrace you
But this was better than nothing
You've been on my mind too often
This has never happened to me.
How come this blonde haired, colored eye boy could make me this weak, and yet this strong?
Worried, but excited?
And just happy?
Why this one?

For whatever reason, God, I like this one. Can I keep him?
Thanks for the consideration.

Starless, chilly an autumn night
It all started right
A dance it would be
A stranger I was
Amongst a two roosts of Latter Day Saints
Popular, I was not
Neither shy nor sociable,
I stood in wait for a suitor
Then a lad glided in
A bit taller than I, blonde hair, green eyes
And an adorable hat on his head
Chitter-chatter,
Smiles, laughter,
Then the Games began
This suitor, Gage he was called
Had speed, but not dexterity
And was soon defeated
Charming, cheering, continuing
The dancing came
Clumsy, was I ever so
While he radiated mastery
Every misstep spin on my part
Made him smile
He whispered in my ear,
In hot breaths,
Compliments of golden rarity
A suitor of suitors I see
A spectacular dance, then another...and quite a few more
Each spin drawing me closer,
As we learned the ways of our bodies purely
The intense stares making my cheeks glow rouge
Beguiled in the moment,
I followed Gage out in an innocent move
Outside, taking a walk around the sacristy
We sat upon an abandoned stair
We spoke, we laughed, and...
His sparking eyes locked with mine
And I knew such a day would come!
An elegant milestone!
Lips in incoherent shapes as we did the most ancient of things
Simple and sweet
Breathless, I was
Yet I wanted more
We kissed once again, longer this route
Your lips are sweet, he said in my ear, as I shook in delight
Paper and pen, number in hand
My phone in his hands, exchanging modern things
A quick hug
And a long night of thought for me
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Since then, contact has been strangled to a near death
As though it was alive beforehand
My hope has faded
But still, I choose to see it as a lesson for the wise
Not a regret for the stupid
It was magical,
It was ordinarily extraordinary,
And blessed I feel for the experience.

Sometimes I lay on my bed and stare out my window.
I wonder what you're doing
I wonder if you ever think of me...
Of us.
You are so good at pretending...
But me; not so much.
Whenever I see you.
Or say your name
My heart jumps and my stomach flutters.
Whenever I think of you
I relive all the times we've talked,
Touched...
Kissed.
I hate to admit it but I miss it.
I miss sneaking out with you and running away to the park.
I miss laying in your arms as we stared into the stars.
I miss...February. And March. And July. And August.
That's the truth.
I miss when we had something...
Even if that something was hardly anything to you...
It was everything to me.
April, May and June...
When we became nothing...
When that something we had was just a dream for you
And a bitter sweet reality for me...
When we became strangers...
Life hurt.
My eyes grew tired
And my face began to wash away the smile I had painted on.
You were once the reason I stopped cutting...
And why I was happy.
Then you became just another reason for me to hack away at my skin again.
I don't think you realize how much you broke me.
But then again maybe you didn't...
Maybe you just helped me...

Sometimes...I lay on my bed and think of you.
Sometimes...I let the sunlight that shines through my window dance along my forearm.
Sometimes...I can still make out the scars.

And that's when it comes to my mind.

 

And I wonder...

Does he even think about me...about what we used to be?

Does it ever come to his mind, like it sometimes comes to mine?

Dark shadows drew us in,
we hid in quiet privacy.

There was no hurry
to forge this perfect
embrace,
we would not rush
our hearts desire.

Somehow this was different.

Chaste hugs of the past
grew into
this moment.

Our feelings developed,
slowly we became
more than friends.

Finally it happened,
our first kiss,
with only the rain
serving as witness.

As the purple city surrounded us,
we gave in.
Our breath mingled,
seemingly time stood still,
and it truly was
magic.

Beach
You
Me
Watching
Walking
You
Running
Introducing
Asking
Me
F­lattered
Blushing
Stars
Twinkle
Moon
Shine
Sand
Swishing
Beach
Ye­arning
Boy
Wanting
Kiss
I
Never
Kissed
Till
Us
Dancing
All
Alone
­Head
Resting
On
Chest
We
kiss.
We
Leave

Let me tell you a story about the time you walked me out of work, and how it changed the course of our lives.  Let me explain how wiggly my insides felt to have you walking beside me.  And let me tell you how I slowed my pace the closer we got to my car, trying not to be obvious.  Let me tell you about us standing there, talking face-to-face outside of work for the first time ever, and how good and natural it felt.  And let me tell you, time passed so quickly then, and the drizzle started turning to rain but I still didn’t want to go.  So let me tell you about how I got courageous again, and asked if you wanted to go sit and talk in your car.  Let me tell you how happy I was when you said yes, and how I’ve never been so thankful for rain.  Let me tell you about our first of many “car dates,” when we just sat and talked.  And let me tell you how it became clear very quickly that we are a natural fit.  Because, let me tell you, I was so nervous that I’d be too quiet and we’d have nothing to say and it would become the bad awkward.  But let me tell you how that didn’t happen, and we sat for hours in conversation.  Let me tell you about our goodbye and how it was getting late because time had become nonexistent with you.  And let me tell you about how you drove me back to my car because you didn’t want me walking in the rain, and I was so taken by how sweet you were.  Let me tell you about how I was unsure of what to do, because we had hugged many times before, but honestly, I’d spent the whole evening wanting to sample your lips.  But let me tell you, I’m not the one to make a move like that, so I just went for a hug as usual.  And let me tell you how disappointed I was in myself.  So let me tell you how I turned back, determined to kiss you, but quickly lost every nerve I had, and so started to settle for a second hug, this time adding the quickest kiss on your cheek.  But let me also tell you how that somehow brought back the bravery, and I went for the kiss I truly desired.  And let me tell you, baby, I’ll never know how I got the courage to kiss you first, but **** am I glad I did.  Because, let me tell you, that kiss became one of the most pivotal moments in my life, and made me believe there was something worth living for.  Let me tell you how your kiss saved my life.

My love for you lives at I-95
Right past the exit for Towson
Where we stopped at Lito's for pizza
After we kissed for the first time
I passed I-95 today and didn't remember
Those soft kisses in back seats
Until I saw that pizza shop sign
I could see myself, 13 and blossoming
Holding tightly to your hand
It was like I was standing outside of your dad's car
Looking in at the events that just unfolded
That thirteen year old that won the bet with her friend for having her first kiss
It wasn't why that thirteen year old wanted it though
She just mustered up the courage to move her face close enough
So that the tiniest amount of contact could be made
It was intended to be soft and meaningful, the first of many
But it turned out off-centered and askew
But it was lovely
You, thirteen and dream like, were shocked
Yet intrigued, so you kissed me next time
Then it went back and forth
Alternating kisses, testing the feelings of new connections
Tingling fingers, tapping toes