I was a tall order,

                            but the bill
                            was cheap.

And I filled you up every time

Stars so bright
That they might even
Shine some light
In
Our darkness.

whenever i feel empty,
I try to evaluate myself,
much like how a student evaluates
the questions before skimming for the answers.

fill in the blanks,
the tiny crevices made by sadness,
the cracks and gaps of loneliness;
help me and fill them out with human company.

fill in the blanks;
sheets of paper, empty,
an untouched screen, the faint humming of a computer,
the pens and pencils, neat and free from human activity.

fill them in; draw and draw until your mind begs to stop;
write and write until the words don't make sense;
I've been trying to do so much
just to make sure that gaping hole of pure, slow, and excruciating loneliness and depression gets temporarily covered.

I've been trying to fill in the blanks in my life since day one.
It seems like it'll never work.

He knows I'm not perfect.
He knows all my flaws too well.
He knows there's a void in me no one could fill.
And yet he chose to love me still.

in dawn, we are exhausted
trying to go to our uncertainty
the longing in our dark eyes
the thirst in our dried lips

mending the inconsistencies
being stuck in a waiting line
comforting the tired body
with a reply of rejection

at night, the moon is shining
going home with city lights
guiding the darkness with sadness
feeling the emptiness of silence

crippling upon a blanket
closing our tired eyes
leaving our breathe in the air
'soon, it'll be gone' as they say

i’ve been thinking about
how to fill this
blank space,
to fill this
missing piece,
to fill this
hole in my soul
in my heart,
to fill this
tear in my heart
to finally mend this poor soul

but,
how can i feel these spaces
these empty holes
these emptiness in my
heart
if you,
your face,
your eyes,
your lips,
your smile,
your back,
your laugh,
the softness of your hair
and the cold spot beside me
in the bed
are the only thing i can
think about?

he was out there finding someone new already
i was here finding myself
learning to live with myself
filling in the void that you left behind
that no one but myself can replace
maybe i wasn't good enough
but that was a reflection of yourself, not me
(this i am still learning)

he has someone new in his bed tonight
while i was there one week ago with him
i may be alone now, night after night
but at least i am brave enough to find myself
and i don't need another hand to hold, to fill your void
like you had to fill mine that i left behind