you mock my pain,
cheering me on.
like —
for real.

i’m annoyed.
a bit hurt.
disappointed,
because my first attempt
didn’t work.

you tell me it’s okay —
when it’s not.
you say it’s an easy fix —
i know it is.
yet i sit in the grump,
because i wasted time,
energy,
looking forward to this.

if it’s a let-down,
you say, ten percent of it is.
i say, ninety —
so you argue,
i’m too pessimistic.

bite me.

Yes, But Do You Know You Deserve the World

Through the sunshine and the rainbows,
through the dark and stormy nights,
your light shone the brightest,
and whomever it touched, it lit their world.

And in that light, do you know

you deserve the yellow of the sunflower below?
Your gleeful smile thawed the frost in the air,
rushing into me and all around me—
like the fresh breath of air on a winter morning,
like drops of water slipping through a cracked rock,
carrying beauty in an ethereal glow.

And maybe you don’t see it,

you changed me and the world around you.
Your words carried a voice of reason,
filled with warmth and understanding—
sometimes childish and playful,
but always fiercely protective,
like the sunflower guarding its yellow.

So I tell you again,
your eyes shine bright like the stars above
Your radiant smile took the blue out of my day,
set butterflies to dance in the world’s wake
Even when your cries dampened the world below,
in my eyes you still appear so beautifully yellow,
since the day I first saw your glow.

a beautiful weaving knot of
emotion, desire, despair and
freedom.

To live is to feel.

i say
"im not interested
in anyone"
and
"im not wanting
a relationship, im only young.
why date during school?
i have work to do."

but the truth?

it's far from what i say
i "want".

i can't sleep anymore.
the thoughts start to consume me..
its all i think about now.

im just setting it aside as
hormones --
and going
completely
insane.

but i think i might
actually want
something
with someone.

I have this subtle "feeling' constantly,
or maybe its an ache or emotion,
that everything is going terribly,
and if it isn't, the it will be eventually,

I have the lingering pit in my stomach,
its trying to earn me,
telling me that its all going to plummet,
and there's a reminder every step I tread,
filling my head with the same reiterating dread,

some days I find comfort in this 'feeling',
it keeps me realistic,
but I don't want to keep concealing,
concealing and dealing this this useless perception,
I want to be optimistic, artistic,
not floating in this sense of fear and apprehension.

but remember its not all bad.

Whenever I look down upon her beauty
a great sense of calm washes over me.
The smell of salty sea-air
I know that I will be okay
I can feel the wind in my hair, lifting my locks up high.
And that tingling buzz of excitement I gets in the bottom of my stomach
The sound of waves crashing against stone
Is this what it’s like? To be so enamored that one can’t help but close their eyes, and surrender?

The moment passes and her evanescence begins to fade
My gaze looks upward to the sky
An ocean of clouds with little lights seeping through the cracks
I reach out and grab a sunbeam